Opinion: Daughter has right to die against parents' wishes

A terminally ill woman in New York is fighting for her right to die and to be removed from life support, but her parents are suing to stop her. WNBC's Roseanne Colletti reports.

When your time comes to die, you probably hope that you will be surrounded by loving family members and friends who will support you and help you leave this earth at peace with one another. Sadly, for 28 year-old SungEun Grace Lee, who is dying in a Long Island hospital, that is not happening.

Lee, who goes by the name Grace, is suffering from an incurable tumor boring into her brain stem. She’s paralyzed from the neck down, hooked up to a machine that breathes for her and is on a feeding tube. She’s fully conscious and cognitively alert, but has lost all control over her body and her basic bodily functions.

Eventually, the tumor will kill her.

Rather than suffer a slow, miserable death, Grace has requested that doctors take away the life support. After determining that she was mentally competent, doctors at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y., prepared to shut off her life support. But her parents did not agree. They tried to talk hospital officials out of disconnecting her machines.

Her father Man Ho Lee is the pastor of the Antioch Missionary Church in Flushing, N.Y.  He and his wife, Jin Ah Lee, could not accept their daughter’s decision. They see what she is doing as a suicide, against God’s will and the work of Satan.

They warned Grace she would go straight to hell if she insisted on no more life-extending care. They urged her to leave the hospital and go to a nursing home.

On September 28, the Lees went to court to have Grace declared incompetent and to have her father appointed as her guardian with the authority to make all medical decisions for her. The fight between Grace and her parents was reported this week in the New York Daily News.

Grace’s court-appointed attorney David A. Smith argued before Nassau County Justice Thomas P. Phelan that there was no foundation at all for the guardianship. Grace had said over and over again that she wanted to die. Her doctors believed she was and remained competent. Judge Phelan agreed and did not grant the guardianship.

Her parents immediately appealed that decision to a higher court. That court has now ruled, refusing to grant the parents request, the New York Daily News reported Friday.

The parents had produced a grainy videotape of Grace which they said shows her saying she wants to live and wants to leave the hospital.

Such tapes made by families with agendas cannot be trusted.  As was true in the Terri Schiavo case, what you see on a highly edited tape cannot be trusted.  Schiavo’s parents, who did not want her feeding tube removed, said their tape showed she could track a balloon and recognize them. 

An autopsy showed Schiavo had long been blind, her brain shrunken to the size of a walnut.

Grace Lee has the absolute right, as do you or I, to stop her medical care. There is no duty for any competent adult to be a patient or to let doctors give treatments that are not wanted. Jehovah’s Witnesses can refuse life-saving blood transfusions; Christian Scientists and Evangelicals can pray rather than go to the hospital when disease appears. 

I don't agree that is wise to do, but I do agree that they and the rest of us have a fundamental right to control what is done by doctors to our bodies.

Grace’s parents are doing what they think is right.  But they are horribly wrong. Their daughter is going to die, if not tomorrow, then very soon. They need to come to accept her decision about how that will happen. They can try to change her mind but to have their final days with her entangled with hopeless legal proceedings is not what a dying daughter needs. 

Let’s hope this family can come together before it is too late to do so.

Arthur Caplan is the head of the Division of Medical Ethics at NYU Langone Medical Center

1st Question: "are you willing to sign the health proxy to your father?"

2nd Question: "When do you want to leave to go to Nursing Home?

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Discuss this post

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This woman's rights as a human being, an adult, and an American citizen (?) should superseed any claimed rights by the state, the courts, or her parents. The parent's request to declare her incompetent should have been dismissed out of hand, with no further legal moves allowed. She should be able to end her life as she wishes, including active euthanasia, to relieve her terrible suffering, and a phsician should be able to help her. Shame on her parents for prolonging her agony, calling her desires "against the word of God and inspired by Satan", or some such BS. This is what happens with neo-religious fanatics... it turns them into heartless morons. Maybe making people die slow, agonizing, terrifying, painful deaths is what gets you a ticket to hell, you blowholes, so shut up and let the poor woman die.

  • 1 vote
Reply#215 - Tue Oct 9, 2012 8:09 AM EDT

This is so sad for all concerned but each of us should be allowed to die with dignity on our own terms.

  • 2 votes
Reply#216 - Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:12 PM EDT

Quality of Life is EVERYTHING !!

It's her life and due to her situation and lack of Quality of Life it should be her choice to end it.

I am not unsympathetic to the parents losing their child but I am very unsympathetic to the parents using religion as an excuse to prolong her suffering.

  • 2 votes
Reply#217 - Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:59 PM EDT

The hardest thing to do is to give up a child. However, in our deep love as parents we need to realize that the quality of life is more important than the quantity of life. Their daughter has chosen to end her life on her own terms and I think she should be allowed that decision. I feel for the family, but also understand that rather than having a long drawn-out and possibly painful existence, they need to let her go with dignity.

  • 2 votes
Reply#218 - Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:11 PM EDT

how can you write such a slanted, judgmental article and expect anyone to take you seriously?

  • 1 vote
Reply#219 - Thu Oct 11, 2012 1:55 AM EDT

Because opinion pieces are all about representing an opinion.

    #219.1 - Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:09 PM EDT
    Reply

    Hospital staff and doctors encouraged my friend's family to pull the plug, but they couldn't. Luckily for my friend, they were wrong. He woke up from his coma and lived for seven more months before he passed away peacefully in his home. The bottom line: Hospitals are a business. They want her bed. Her case seems hopeless to them. But they could also be wrong. There is always room for miracles. Her Parents believe in miracles. It could happen for Grace. But if you pull the plug, you will never know. Pray for Grace.

      Reply#220 - Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:06 PM EDT

      But that should be Grace's decision, not her parents'.

        #220.1 - Fri Oct 12, 2012 7:49 PM EDT
        Reply

        i wish her parents could see this . i too have a brain stem tumor . let me tell you i was a vegtable feeding tubes trach coma for a month had a stroke there was no movement some god let me live i don't know why and im so sorry i know she is pain something happend i worked i still do therepy but it was remmoved 70 percent thats it . i was told i wouldnt make it then i could never walk yeah i was the one lucky one but she has cancer . let her go she knows yall love her but sometime ya have to let them go . let her go love her like you always will !!!!

          Reply#221 - Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:03 AM EDT

          being taken off life support,is NOT suicide. to die "naturally"---means NO machines...to tell their daughter that it would be a sin,is not just selfish-it is appalling...

          • 1 vote
          Reply#222 - Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:49 AM EST
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