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David Mcnew / Getty Images file
Television news crews gather in front of the home of Robert and Arlene Holmes, parents of James Eagan Holmes, 24, who is accused of killing 12 and injuring 58 people in a Colorado movie theater shooting.
As news crews swarmed outside the tile-roofed house of accused shooter James Eagan Holmes’ parents in an upscale suburb of San Diego, a stranger 1,300 miles away in Texas grieved for those inside.
“I’ve been worried about the family,” said Lois Robison, 78. “I know what it’s like to find out your son has killed several people.”
Last Friday, when Holmes allegedly opened fire in a movie theater in Aurora, Colo., his parents, Robert and Arlene Holmes, were instantly thrust into a club that no one wants to join: family members of notorious killers.
Like the parents of Tucson shooter Jared Loughner, Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh and Columbine High School killers Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, they’re quickly becoming pariahs, publicly reviled for raising a monster.
But a group organized on behalf of murder victims’ families urges compassion and understanding for the families of murderers, too.
They suffer in a different way than those who lose loved ones to violence, said Renny Cushing, founder and executive director of Murder Victims' Families for Human Rights, or MVFHR, which has organized support sessions for killers' families.
“I became really painfully aware of the ostracism that takes place,” said Cushing, whose father was murdered in 1988. “Immediately, there’s this thought that families must have done something to cause this, that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
That’s all too familiar to Robison, a retired third-grade teacher. Her son, Larry Keith Robison, was executed in 2000 in Texas for the grisly murders of five people, including an 11-year-old boy. He had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at age 21, three years before the 1982 murders.
Though it’s been nearly 30 years since the crime, Robison still clearly recalls the shock and horror of the early days -- and the reaction of some in the community of Burleson, Texas. Reporters surrounded her home; in ensuing months, some parents asked to have their children removed from her class.
No longer were they Ken and Lois Robison, the local schoolteachers.
“We became the parents of a mass murderer,” said Robison.
It’s a shift that happens quickly as a restless public searches for someone or something to blame for senseless acts of murder, said Cushing.
Indeed, Arlene Holmes, 58, a registered nurse, and Robert Holmes, 61, a scientist, are being publicly reviled. Some Internet commenters have called them “abusive” and suggested that they are responsible for their son's alleged acts.
Theater shooting suspect James Eagan Holmes appeared in court for the first time Monday where a judge explained why he was being held on no bond. NBC's Mike Taibbi reports.
“Where were YOU Mother why didn’t you take care of him,” read one NBCNews.com comment. “To me it sounds like a bad mother.”
Another expressed “pity” for the family -- but with a twist:
“I know that if it had been one of my sons who did this I would be absolutely shattered (not that it could ever be one of them as there must have been signs.)”
The Holmes family has expressed sorrow for the 12 people killed and 58 injured in the attacks, and, through their lawyer, asked for privacy as they grapple with the situation.
They indicated they would stand by their son through the ordeal.
“I think anyone can imagine how they’re feeling, anyone who’s ever been a parent,” said lawyer and family spokeswoman Lisa Damiani at a press conference Monday.
Ted S. Warren / AP
As many as 12 people were killed and 50 injured at a shooting at the Century 16 movie theatre in Aurora, Colo. early Friday during the showing of the latest Batman movie.
Families of murderers are grief-stricken after such a tragedy, but, unlike the families of the victims, they may feel they have no right to their feelings, said Bud Welch, whose 23-year-old daughter, Julie, was killed in the Oklahoma City bombings in 1995.
Welch met with Bill McVeigh, the father of Timothy McVeigh, who was executed for the crime.
“It’s really difficult for them, it really is,” said Welch, a member of MVFHR, which opposes the death penalty for murderers. “Bill McVeigh can never say anything publicly about anything Tim did that was nice.”
Instead, the family members of the killers struggle for the rest of their lives with shame and guilt over their loved one’s acts.
“I said, 'Bill, you have nothing to apologize for. You did not do it. You did not contribute to it,' " Welch recalled.
That message has provided some solace to other families of murderers. Welch met with the parents of Eric Harris, one of the two killers who led, and died in, the 1999 Columbine High School shootings.
Public sentiment vilified Wayne and Kathy Harris, Eric’s parents, and also Tom and Sue Klebold, the parents of Dylan Klebold, the other Columbine shooter.
“People were so angry. They said, ‘How were those boys raised?’” Welch said. “They weren’t raised any damn different than any of the kids in Littleton.”
Lois Robison said she and her husband, Ken, now 81, have found comfort and empowerment in speaking out about their son's crime, and about the need for adequate care for mental illness. They had great support from family members and those in the community who knew them, she added.
"When this happened, my husband said 'We can do one of two things,'" Lois Robison recalls. "We can crawl into a cave and pull a rock in there behind us. Or we can tell the truth and try to keep it from happening to someone else.'"
Bud Welch said he’s tempted now to reach out to victims of Aurora, both the families of those who were killed -- and the family of the alleged killer.
“These family members in Aurora, they’re going through so much grief. They need so much help,” he said. “The family of shooter? God only knows they’re going through hell, too.”
More on Vitals:
- Transplanted lungs didn't come from Colo. victims, despite reports
- Mass murderers often not mentally ill, but seeking revenge, experts say
- Colo. ER doc: 'Oh, my heart sank'
In the Colorado city where one of the worst mass shootings in American history took place, the massacre prompted many to seek firearms for self-defense. NBC's Mike Taibbi reports.
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"AG99Restored
It never occurred to me to blame the parents given the influence of friends and our incredibly violent popular culture. Video games, movies, the news, and the prevalence of social media to propagate it all. It's amazing more of our kids aren't psychopaths."
I think we should ALL be concerned as to why the above comment was, apparently deleted by TPTB and then restored. Who is it that has a delete-happy thumb???? The point is valid and many agree with it so there.
Nowhere are we offered an explanation for this tragedy and ruination of lives. But you might find it here. PLEASE read this (below link) and maybe it'll open your eyes about some things, things that appear to be well documented, and, if you open your minds, could, just could have a great deal of truth. Think about it.
Batman Massacre: WHY and HOW and WHO
Whoops, not sure the link showed up in my post. Just in case, here it is again.
Well, I guess nbcnews.com "edits" comments, removing links. Oh well, just google "Batman Massacre: WHY and HOW and WHO."
I, for one, feel really bad for the parents of the man who killed all those people. While it is certainly true that the way one is parented affects a person for good and for bad-and no parents are perfect-it is also true that once a person becomes an adult they are responsible for their own choices. That is why you can see someone who has been terribly abused grow up to become a responsible and productive person or someone who has been raised really well turn out to be a bum and a criminal. Also, people can change throughout their lives-I know some of you don't believe that, but I've seen it more than once. I come from a home with an abusive, alcoholic dad and a mom who was just hanging on, trying to survive much of the time. My brother was full of terrible rage as a young child to the point where we were afraid of him and what he would do to us or what he would become-he literally tried to kill me once in a fit of anger when he was a child and likely would have succeeded if I had not been older and faster. However, he developed a relationship with God as a teen and became a very caring young man; and he is not at all angry or violent today-he is a very pleasant and productive citizen who has never gotten into trouble. My mom prayed for us constantly, and none of us married alcoholic or abusive spouses-which is almost a miracle given the statistics for children of alcholics and abusive fathers.
On the other hand I have known children who seemed to have been raised in all the right ways in homes full of love who turned out addicted to drugs or messed up in other ways. Many believe there is an inherited tendency towards alcoholism, and I would not doubt it because my body has always responded physically to alcohol in a different way from the way other people's bodies do-by that I mean that when I was drinking (now I have been sober for a number of years) I had plenty of blackouts but I never got sick and never had hangovers. I DID always have the choice and responsibility about whether or not to pick up a drink in the first place. I wish there had been more education about alcohol when I was young-that might have helped me as it has greatly benefitted my daughter; but I digress...The point is that parenting CAN affect how a child turns out, but it is not the only thing that affects it-plus once the child is an adult he or she is ultimately responsible for his or her own choices regardless of how he or she was raised. And I say that as one who was severely abused-physically, emotionally, and sexually-and as one who has made some poor choices that were likely at least partially affected by the way I was raised. I still take full responsibility because that's what it means to grow up and to be an adult and because being an adult means learning from your mistakes. NO PARENTS ARE PERFECT!
Anyway, the way a parent raises a child has nothing to do with whether he or she will develop certain mental illnesses like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. If James Holmes has one of these mental illnesses, there is no way his parents could have prevented what happened. Even if you know that your adult child has a mental illness, even a serious mental illness, you can't make him or her get treatment or take medicine unless you can prove that they are an immediate threat to themselves or to someone else-and that is not easy to prove. If they aren't talking about their plans to kill someone or themselves, then there is nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing. And that's assuming you KNOW they are mentally ill. In many, if not most cases, it takes a long time for a person to get diagnosed; and often they don't get diagnosed until they have a crisis. It's almost always a breakdown of some sort or an incident of harm to themselves-harming others is really rare with mental illness. Those are just the cases that get all the media attention because who wants to read about John Doe or Jane Doe whom no one ever heard of taking a drug overdose or slitting their wrists or breaking down and sobbing or laughing hysterically or babbling incoherently one day and having to be hospitalized all of a sudden? I don't know if James Holmes was mentally ill, but even if a mentally ill person wants treatment it's often prohibitively expensive. It's really unfortunate that care for the mentally ill is not more accessible.
I hate the idea of blaming parents, family and loved ones for what this monster did. However, serial killers don't just wake up one day and start doing things like this. Berkowitz, Columbine, Rifkin...they all started abusing animals. They start on the most vulnerable, such as squirrels, feral cats, then pets, then work their way "up the vulnerability chain". The question is when and how his mental illness presented itself. He was 24, living in another state, and there is a limit to what someone can do with an "adult". However, just remember, it is not "just" an animal being abused...today, Buster the cat being set on fire, then Chester Williamson is out there committing a host of other violent crimes and only getting caught when Chester the Molester was about to kidnap, rape and kill a little girl. An all-too-real case in NY, used by legislators seeking to increase penalties for animal abuse. Still stinks but Buster's Law is a step in the right direction. Suffolk County NY has the first Animal Abuser Registry in the country and the other Long Island county, Nassau, has the first Animal Abuse Unit in a DA's office in NYS and one of first few in the U.S. The state laws stink so we have trouble getting the convictions, esp given limited resources in the DA's offices so we are anxiously awaiting our perp of the week. However, if ANYONE knows some creepy kid out there doing bad things to critters, watch out and tell someone!!! Tell lots of people!
I don't know these parents and I don't know their son. I can't make judgments. But I do know that our mental health system is a joke. If you have a child (adult or minor) who is showing signs of losing touch with reality or is acting out in ways that cause you serious concern, you can take him for counseling or therapy only until he refuses to go. If he is schizophrenic or bi-polar, you can't force him to take medication. If he makes threats toward you or anyone else, they will only hold him for 72 hours. There is no way to prevent him from doing anything. There is no way to have him hospitalized. If you call the police and tell them he is dangerous and might hurt someone you get the 72 hour hold. If he is resistant to treatment there is nothing you can do.
Mental illness is a terrible thing. It takes away the child that you raised and loved and nurtured and leaves a strange and delusional image of him that is not your child anymore. What is worse is that you cannot help. Nothing you do makes any difference. You see him slipping into madness and you can't stop it or protect him and protect anyone from him. If anyone has ever lost a child, imagine that pain multiplied a hundred times. Because you have lost your child and you have seen it happening and you have been absolutely powerless to stop it or change it.
We must change our response to mental illness. We must help those who are ill and we must help their parents. This is hell on earth and our mental health system does nothing. We need to be able to institutionalize and treat these poor sick people with or without their consent. It will protect others from them and it will protect them from themselves.
Complete bull@!$%#, I have never known a loved child killing people. I understand some kids may have these tendencies to do bad things but with the proper love and raising of a child they can curb that. However what each culture and individuals considering proper parenting is different. If someone is a mass murderer or a serial rapist I will always blame the parents, they raised a monster. I can understand if someone does one single crime, its not necessarily the parents fault.
But don't tell me a child was raised right if he grows up to be a serial killer or the like. Bull.
However I would never terrorize anyone because that is not who I am but for a family whose child has been murdered I can understand the pain of that family to lash out against the killer's family. It's understandable.
I don't know this case but I find the fact the mother said "i thought if I loved him enough he would change..." seriously? I don't know about other people but my mother's love filled me with confidence when I was depressed. I have never heard of a mother's love doing the opposite.