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Subscribe to RSSYoung women who report that their romantic partners look at porn frequently are less happy in their relationships than women partnered with guys who more often abstain, new research finds.
The study bolsters some anecdotal evidence that men's porn use can shake the self-esteem of their girlfriends or wives, though certainly not all couples have conflicts over pornography, said study researcher Destin Stewart, a clinical psychology intern at the University of Florida. Stewart decided to investigate the effect of porn on relationships after some of her clients revealed that they were struggling with the issue.
Discovering explicit material on a partner's computer "made them feel like they were not good enough, like they could not measure up," Stewart told LiveScience.
What women think of porn
A number of studies that have interviewed women about pornography find a range of feelings on the topic, from "scathing to mildly positive," Stewart and University of Tennessee psychologist Dawn Szymanski wrote online May 6 in the journal Sex Roles. Nevertheless, concerns about measuring up to the images found in pornography were a common theme. In one 1999 study, for example, a participant told researchers, "These men look at these pictures and say, 'Look at her. She's just beautiful. Why can't you be like that?'" [ Is Porn Bad For You? ]
Few of these studies had hard numbers to back up the interviews, however. Stewart wanted to understand how widespread these feelings might be. She recruited 308 college women, ages 18 to 29 years old, to fill out online questionnaires about their current partner's porn use as well as their relationship quality, sexual satisfaction and self-esteem. All of the women were heterosexual and most were white.
The results showed that women who reported that their boyfriends or husbands looked at more pornography were less likely to be happy in their relationships than women who said their partners didn't look at pornography very often. When women were bothered by their partner's porn use, saying, for example, that they believed he was a porn addict or that he used porn more than a "normal" amount, they were also more likely to have low self-esteem and to be less satisfied with both their relationship and their sex life.
Sex and self-esteem
The findings showed that the statistical link between frequency of porn use and relationship dissatisfaction was partially explained by low self-esteem among the women in these relationships. But that doesn't prove that porn necessarily caused the women's self-esteem to drop. It's a chicken-and-egg problem, Stewart said: Women whose partners watch a lot of porn might begin to feel more insecure. Or women who feel bad about themselves might seek out or stay with porn-loving guys more often than secure women. [ 6 Tips for a Happy Relationship ]
The study is limited to a youthful demographic, and most of the relationships were short-term, Stewart said. Because most of the couples weren't co-habitating, the women might not know how much porn their partners actually watched, she said.
"You might be more dissatisfied knowing that your husband of 10 years is looking at pornography versus your 18-year-old boyfriend where you have no idea what he looks at on his computer," Stewart said.
When pornography does become a problem in relationships, Stewart said she counsels women not to compare themselves with porn starlets. In couples counseling, she encourages communication and compromise.
"It's just about trying to do some education about what is realistic and unrealistic and trying to get couples to be honest about what their wants and needs and desires are," Stewart said.
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It's easier if you realize that as a guy you can never win. Your girlfriend will chastise you for looking at porn but join the "Y" for the latest "Pole Dancing" exercise class.
Remember guys - the same thing you did right one day will get you in trouble the next. Nothing boggles Stephen Hawkins more than the mind of a woman.
So true. And ladies, remember, when we have a stiffy we want you hot and slutty. When we're going to the store or to see relatives, we need you sane and friendly. And clean. If your feelings are hurt, get hotter and sluttier and just watch how much attention you get.
This is another one of those studies where cause and effect can easily be inverted.
Men are just more visual where women are more vocal. When I lived in Las Vegas you'd see many couples walking up and down the strip. 90% of the time when you see a couple together and one of the two is talking, it's the woman. They just want to discuss everything no matter how trivial. It's how they feel connected I guess. Men are usually the opposite and just want to discuss important, non-trival stuff.
Also, women always seem to want to change everything about her man. What he wears, what he says, who his friends are, how he's groomed etc. Men don't want their woman to change. Stay young, attractive and beautiful even after kids and natural processes.
A strange dichotomy actually.
Wow... 308 COLLEGE women, meaning women who are probably whoring around over the place with college guys who are whoring around all over the place, make a few statements about their flavor of the week's porn use, and this is somehow representative of all women's perspectives on the topic of porn and self-esteem. Why not get the perspectives of women who are actually living an adult, responsible life and see what they have to say?
Some guys in here really need to put on their man pants and quit whining.
Uh, do you women really care what gets your lover off? You want him to conform to your ideal lover without a thought of how he feels. Not that the same isn't true of men. You need to think about pleasing your partner and drawing your satisfaction from that. If both partners are focused on the joy of the other, there will be bliss. Most of you, both men and women, are incapable of the empathy that will get you off by getting your partner off. You are just too narcissistic and close minded. I never have found a woman that can understand that reciprocation is a requirement, not an option. If you enjoy every minute of it, make sure your partner does too.
Yeah, some men have reported feeling controlled by women seeming to "monitor" what they do. We constantly hear how women should be able to make decisions about their bodies, but do we hear that equally for men? Here's an article, though, that describes how porn can harm a man's longterm sexual health (Using Pornogrphy in Marriage) that is pretty interesting. I think it's also important to point out that women do watch porn and in growing numbers. Healthy women are just as sexual as men on average. Men are just more aggressive at addressing their own needs.
What about us guys that have women who watch porn and make comments like, "why can't you be as big as him?"
You know, when i first saw it on my husbands computer it bothered me too. (twelve years ago) So, ...being my normal team minded self, we talked about it. lol But women are comparing themselves to a visual illusion just as they seek out mental illusions in romance novels. Any women who reads those graphic novels will tell you that they are most definitely female porn. Women are turned on in completely different ways, its emotions and thoughts where to men its visual. Thats why playgirl flounders but every woman knows what "silhouette romance books" are with no television or radio advertising.
Men wont read a romance novel even though there are some pretty graphic and cool sex scenes because they dont want to hear it, they want to see it. Men are visual. My husband didnt care if she was a good mother, a good companion, he was looking at anatomy. lol
All I ever asked was, I dont like it, keep it somewhere on the pc where I will not run into it. Just like I wont read you this novel about a virile musclebound fabio lookalike who says and does all the right things at all the right times. lol I hold my husbands dreams in my heart, I know his greatest fears and still think that he is the strongest man I have ever known. I know his shortcomings and he is still my best friend of my life. If she had some power that I dont, he wouldnt have told me in his sleep "its not fair... its not fair that I love you so so much". :) Those girls may strike a match, I have the bonfire. lol And though I am far from perfect body wise in my own eyes, he tells me every day that I am beautiful. (Hmmm... cancel that eyedoctor appt... lol) Just like alot of other stuff, youre afraid when you dont understand. So try to if it bothers you. I dont like porn because I dont care what he has, I care what he is. And its vice versa with my attractions too for him. Men laugh off chick flicks and novels because they know what they are. But where they dont have to read them, it doesnt upset them. But many men are not into "the notebook". Women have to see what turns men on, and they usually arent into that. Thats the irritation there.
Doesn't porn usually fall in the realm of fantasy? Whether it's men watching porn or women watching porn, it's often the fantasy that provides the thrill -- people and situations that might be fun to fantasize about, but which most people would never try to attain in real life. I suspect that when enjoyed in moderation, many people would say that's a sign of a healthy imagination that does not necessarily have any bearing on the health of a relationship.
On the other hand, if there are couples where one partner is seeking out porn in which couples are having pretty ordinary sex, while his or her partner is available and probably wanting the same thing, that's probably an indication of dysfunction in the relationship.
Women have been criticising men for their sexual performance since the sexual revolution began. Men were told they needed to "perform better" and were held resopnsible if their partners didn't achieve sexual satisfaction. This article suggests that now, in some cases at least, the table has been turned and the woman's sexual ability has been brought into question. Some would say this is just fair play. Women need to examine their own short-comings in bed and not always try to blame their partners. As suggested, the ones with the most unsatisfying performances may be the ones who have driven their partners to seek other outlets such as pornography to fulfill their needs. The women then criticize the men for something the women themselves have participated in causing. The men may feel that they are just trying to give the women some helpful suggestions by asking them to get some pointers from the female porn stars.
I think for too many women the expectation is that the man should to work towards and initiate sex. Society tells us that men want sex all the time and that women don't right? The idea of romance and romantic acts even romantic days (valentines day, weddings etc) are all geared towards pleasing the female. Chocolates, poems, fancy dinners, flowers, scented candles the list goes on and on.
The danger there is that there may come a time when the guy wants to have sex, but doesn't want to jump through the necessary hoops to get it. So I think the ease of access internet porn gives it has levelled the playing field in that sense.
The upshot is that Women may have to share the burden of initiation more equally with men, with less of the baggage attached to sex i.e. you aint getting any without doing something for me etc.
The Joke is you can never please a woman on anything!
If they think internet porn is bad, wait till we get the fembots up and running :-)
For some women all you have to do to lower their self esteem is to ask "What's wrong with your hair today?"
'When women were bothered by their partner's porn use, saying, for example, that they believed he was a porn addict or that he used porn more than a "normal" amount, they were also more likely to have low self-esteem and to be less satisfied with both their relationship and their sex life.' - What is normal use? Is this defined by the woman, the guy, the scientists? Also, guess what, if the women had sex more often with their man, he would use less porn. In my case it is quantity, not quality. I realize that most women in porn are fake, faking it, and would be out of my league anyway. I love my wife, I love our lovemaking, I just wish it were more often. However, I beleive she is aware that I use porn and doesn't really seem to care.
Great points all around.
So the article is saying that women's self esteem is based of what her partner does? haha SELF esteem holds this title because it comes from self. This is illogical and absurd. Imagine if an article said "Women's vibrator hurts men's self esteem"? The ridicule would be tremendous.
Yet another women are perpetual entitled victims mantra. I thought women were equal? I guess only when its convenient and benefits them.
How bout a study on the self esteem of men who's wives bury their faces in unrealistic romance books. Those copies of 50 Shades of Grey aren't buying themselves.
I have to wonder how many of these guys hid their porn habits. It sounds to me like the whole problem is a lack of communication about what they like, not watching porn.
Midnight Toker, easy on the bitterness...if you read the article, the researcher says it's unclear whether the low self esteem followed the BF's excessive porn viewing or whether the women with low self esteem were more likely to choose partners who view porn a lot. It's called a correlational study...not an explanatory study. Either way, though, it doesn't bode too well.
Typical ignorant MSN headline. The article clearly states that no causal effect is determined and yet he headline says it hurts women's self esteem.
Now why did the research not investigate why so many women watch porn, usually lesbian porn?.
If you wouldn't use porn, she'd have more sex with you.
But most women have a whole library and book club related to Ms Collins. lol Just like when a woman sighs in a movie that something is so romantic, and a man thinks "Oh Lord, a woman wrote this movie,..." lol Thats the stuff you should be listening to, because women go /melt. lol Just like women gag over some of the stuff in porn and a man thinks "i would LOVE to hear that". lol Both sides should honestly be taking some notes instead of rolling their eyes in disgust. Women know what turns other women on, men know what turns other men on. Thats why Hef and Ms Collins have multimillions. Reading the comments on here is saddening. I guess I have something that many dont have. And no im never letting it go. Im not a size 3, hes not Leo, but what he have is better than either a model or an actor will ever have. Hes my hero and my genuine best friend. To everyone else he is a tattooed musclebound true mans man and alpha male. But to me, he's a marshmallow. And Im the only one that sees it. And that goes out of the bedroom as well. :)
Well to be blunt a lot of women don't measure up. That's just the way it is! Keep up with those pilates, ladies.
a name like udunnobro pretty much sums up your mentality, dumb loser.
it's not about looks at all, really it isn't.
Keep telling youself that, Terri. Don't bother trying to get into shape.
more than getting into shape, how about putting in some efforts to learn how to please your man??? Just opening your legs doesn't do it anymore.
Yeah, but let's be honest here most guys really don't 'measure up' to porn either. Unless, of course, they're using a broken ruler.
Bro didn't put it very politely, but let's be honest, a lot of women are Pillow Pets, they figure once they're on their back they've done all they need to (not that a lot of men aren't lazy as heck as well).
There's a bit more to making sure that BOTH of you are satisfied. Everyone is different, everyone finds different things exciting, different positions, different angles, sometimes different partners (or porn, or romance novels). If you're choosing to be with one person for the rest of your life, you have to be sure you're willing to work with that person re: what you like and what they like, and fulfilling each others dreams/fantasies/desires.
There's more to making love than being a Pillow Pet.
And most men recognize that porn is simply live fantasy, they don't want the girls, they just want a woman who will be as naughty as the ones they watch. Don't get up on a high horse ladies, and pretend you're 'too good' to get a little naughty for your man (nor you, lazy dudes!)
What you all don't realize is that both genders are guilty, but each points their fingers at the other.. Let's face it, you all don't look like you did at age 20! And those criticizing performance, do you ever stop and think of what you have to offer other than getting yourself off?
Come on, grow up and realize that looking at porn just takes the sting out of having a less than perfect love life... and sometimes leads to neglect your significant other.
Those men who want women to have the perfect body should look in the mirror at themselves.
This seems like an attempt to perpetuate the "lowest common denominator nation" milieu pervading American society. Frankly speaking, If you are fat and dont like it...work out. If you are bad in bed and are worried you are boring your partner...work at being better.
The answer to the question posed in the PussyCat Dolls song "Dont Cha"...is always YES! ladies ...always.
Listen Ladies, I understand where you are coming from but consider this: What would happen if every time your boyfriend/husband/significant other got the urge to watch porn, he instead found you and bothered you for sex? You'd probably enjoy the extra attention for the first few weeks but I think it'd get pretty old pretty fast.
Men and women's sex drives are disparate. Using porn is a way for men to satisfy their needs without constantly inconveniencing their partners.
Not only that but men have a right to a sexual self i.e. masturbation/fantasy. It would be like a men telling women to do away with vibrators. If the women are so insecure that what her man uses as a masturbatory tool lowers their confidence they are weak and not a women I would want to be with anyway.
You have got to love how they want equal standards when beneficial but different when its supposedly not.
Midnight wrote "masturbation/fantasy. It would be like a men telling women to do away with vibrators."
It would be like telling women to stop shopping, particularly on-line shopping.
If I were back in the dating pool, I'd ask a woman if it's ok for me to plop an iPad on her chest and scroll through porn pix and videos while I j**k if she asks if I mind that she uses a vibrator. If her answer is yes, then I'm ok with the vibrator. It's kinda fun to play with toys and women, but the double standard of excluding men from using pleasure-enhancing toys is unfair.
Bothering her for sex??? Porn harms....bottom line is it really does nothing for a relationship. Most women I've spoken to about it say it actually makes men suck in bed.
from a woman, if it 'bothers her'... you got the wrong woman. lol I love how all of you think we are going 'ew' to sex. NOT so. But monotony is a killer and you have as much in that as she does. And not just in the bedroom. Im a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the house, a buddy, a fawning female in distress, a rock when he needs me to be and an outright tramp in the bedroom. Why? because he is a strong and capable man, a provider, a great dad, a mans best friend, a womans rock to cling to with unbelievable bravery and then at times, in secret he shows me he needs my help, and he tells me he loves me every day. In twelve years, I have went not one day without a brush on the hand, a kiss on the cheek, an I love you or a thank you. Not one day. Crap, Id give that big fella whatever he wants whenever he wants :)
Sounds great calmprice-- and you just pretend you're actually not enough woman for him-- that he needs and wants others... isn't that close to the truth? You pretend the porn doesn't really bother you and he pretends he measures up to the studs in your romance novels...you live in a pretend world.
no honey I dont, but hey, if it makes you feel better to paint yourself as "so very knowledgeable" and I am not, you keep on :) Nope, he doesnt need or want others. Funny thing is, he has it and rarely if ever looks at it. And hey thanks for trying to assume that I have a ton of them, I dont. But I have many friends that do. They arent studs. He isnt my "stud" he is my man.
And I believe that you are a bit of a troll. So have fun :) I dont feel inadequate except for the fact that I have never deserved what I have had in my second marriage. He is awesome. I gather you would have approved of my first marriage who beat the heck out of me but never looked at porn at all? Oh yes, what a 'man' he was. The prison system seems to think so nowadays.
If you cared one whit for women as you imply and all men are evil, you would not have just attempted, in a very poor fashion by the way, to insult me and make me feel poorly about myself. Nice try troll, no cookie. One person tried to devastate me that way. You really stunk at it. :) Have a nice day!
Glad to hear your second marriage is working out calmprice. From the sounds of things, you two have a good working dynamic. I think that's what this study actually missed quite a bit. If you're looking at individuals in their early 20s it's rather difficult to extrapolate that to other age groups or relationship lengths. What would have been interesting to see would be the level of communication in such relationships. Although seeing as the ones studies are mostly short, it's hard to argue that much communication is going on.
Youthful individuals very often haven't gone through life changing events, decisions, etc. So, it's rather difficult for them to reflect back on such experience that a long term married couple would have. Also, they probably lack that key event or object (sometimes children) that can glue a relationship together into a true partnership as opposed to romantic involvement. Early on in relationships, it's usually about sex and romance. They're still in the adoration phase. Oftentimes a woman will mistake a guys porn habits as them thinking she is inadequate because their relationship is heavily defined by sex.
For women, you kind of have to understand how a guy's brain works to understand why we like porn. We're kind of wired differently so various behaviors, images etc. effect us in certain ways. Even in relationships, our brains are still wired in those ways. This is why guys enjoy porn and why they'll be interested in enjoying it even when already in a relationship.
I think the most surprising thing regarding this research was that women thought that their boyfriend looked at porn more than most or was addicted to it. However much you believe your boyfriend looks at porn, add to that the number of times you and he sleep together. That's closer to the normal amount.
I agree fully, and thank you. I think our communication came from where we met at work, were together all the time, and had to find ways to keep each other engaged in things without fighting. People didnt want to hire married couples together, but the way we learned to communicate, most people didnt know we were married until we walked off the property and we immediately grabbed hands or kissed. lol Thing is, I know Im loved and desired and truly important to him, which does it for me, he knows Im upfront, a communicator and attentive, so that does it for him. This goes nowhere near far enough to say that we dont have our own 'porn' :). Already told him if we split Id have to crash two pcs LOL! Our part is, if it bothers you, talk about it. Dont fight, dont accuse, talk. People get so victimized and hypersensitive, they just fight, they dont talk. And nothing gets solved.
I guess I understand more because I have a lot of friends who are men (his friends first, then became our friends) and hanging around them enough to get to hear them talk, its easy to understand there is a different method of communicating, relating, everything versus women. But because its different doesnt make it wrong. So he likes an outfit, I wear it. I want to hear something, he says it. No problems in the bedroom, nor out.
Perhaps it is low self esteem that causes the guys to look at porn? When your wife won't break away from the TV and come to bed. Sits in front of the TV munching snacks and gaining weight. Doesn't try to exercise and lose weight with you because it hurts? Then because she didn't exercise and lose weight doesn't want to do anything because her back hurts, all because she isn't staying in shape.
I stopped snacking in the evening hoping to be a positive influence. No dice. I bought her a bike so we could ride together, "the seat hurts my butt".
She only comes to bed early when she is exhausted. And the few times she wants to do anything is in the morning after 8 to 10 hours under the covers when body parts aren't as fresh anymore. Not much of a turn on if you know what I mean. If she would shower before but she won't.
I love my wife and will never cheat. But getting so little action has made me look at porn if only to remember how it used to be.
wow, I hope your wife gets herself together asap and finds a better man.
you don;t love your wife after posting comments like that, really you think some nasty used up std infested porn star is better than your wife(or smells better, lol, in those areas I doubt it), go get one, they need dumb guy losers wiiling to get hiv/aids for movies all the time.
He needs to boot HER and find a better women. She's fat and she doesn't enjoy sex? Pftttt
she can easily get unfat, it happens all the time, he will likely stay ignorant and alone.
That's right. When it's a woman make excuses. When it's a man demonize him.
Terri wrote "really you think some nasty used up std infested porn star is better than your wife"
You do not understand porn and male nature. Porn is not about having real sex with a professional sex actress.
Men want to *look* at a variety of nude women in quantity that don't nag. Beautiful women in real-life are demanding because they know the power of their feminine leverage.
Terri, you need to STFU and get a clue. You have NO IDEA how common EconomyKiller's situation is! She can "easily get unfat"? HA! You know how many times I've watched my wife try to get "unfat" for 2 or 3 weeks, get disappointed she hasn't lost 20 lbs already and QUIT? Also, somehow it manages to be MY fault or because she doesn't have a workout buddy (And it's only cool if the "workout" is what SHE wants to do. I've been wanting a bench for YEARS and instead the room is filled up with EXPENSIVE chick equipment that's NEVER used! I want to ride bikes with her, but "The seat hurts my butt" and it's a nice wide cushy seat). So after 2-3 weeks of a half baked attempt at a "diet/exercise" program, she's back on the couch eating chips where she stays until it's time to go to work in the morning.
The key here is MOTIVATION. She's already got a man who isn't going anywhere (Bitching aside, I DO still love her) so where's the motivation? It's not there. How many times do we see a fat girl get hot after getting dumped/divorced, to find a new guy and get fat again once she's settled? I've never understood why it's supposed to be "OK". I mean hey, we ALL get older and put on a few, but I'm not talking about a FEW. When you put on 60-100 lbs (LITERALLY PEOPLE!) it's a SHOCK when your guy is less interested in having sex with you? There's always love, but to say looks don't matter...... AT ALL is simply ridiculous! Let's not even talk about the emotional part and self image complexes to deal with too! The interest in sex in general doesn't go away, so porn it is...
You might say "You need to be more supportive" etc... I already HAVE a full time job and there is not room for another. Besides ensuring I don't say the wrong thing, or look at her "wrong", or god knows what....there's not much to do. Trust me, if there was a REALISTIC solution I would do it! You don't think I don't MISS the intimacy we used to have? Of course I do!
If you were looking at porn, and she found out-- there goes your sex life... dudes, believe me, the study is right. Porn screws up your mind. It hurts her. It hurts relationships!!
Terri, woman to woman, that wasnt right. He is trying!! Hes trying to do things WITH HER to HELP her. He's not telling her that shes a lazy self indulgent brat. (which it sounds like she is). Dont be a snot. I would complain to if that was my man doing that and so likely would you. Sitting there watching sports all day, making me care for everything in the house by myself? You betcha Id say something.
jiminy, porn doesnt hurt relationships, people kill their own relationships. Using porn as an escape to satisfy a need that isnt met at ALL, will kill a relationship. But so will not working on a broken relationship.
Calmprice-- i didn't say porn was the only thing that can kill a relationship but I've heard many women say it was the only thing that finally turned them off having sex with a man who made them feel like they weren't enough. She WILL eventually go to someone who makes her feel like she's the only woman in the world....whether she does it in the flesh or not--- you do it byreading your trashy romance novels-- in effect BOTH the porn and the trashy novels are cheating-- cheating your spouse out of the COMPLETE spouse they could and should be.
you are so very judgmental about me. lol Its comical. I used to read those when I was OH about late teen years. And many of them, the silhouette romance ones, are devoid of sex. Again nice try.
But it doesn't take much to make the connection. Quite simple if you think about it. I think you are hanging around a certain type of women. You cannot broadbrush us all. Cheating people are going to cheat regardless. Sounds as if you possibly have went through that, maybe? Thing is, there are relationship destroyers everywhere. They will not work if people feel fulfilled.
You seem to have had terrible experiences with women and porn. Find one who doesn't mind it, and things will go a lot better. Better yet, try and watch it WITH her. It's not about measuring up, or finding hotter partners, it's about something that gets you BOTH excited.
If you're hiding your porn from your girl, you're watching it for the wrong reasons! (and TOTALLY missing out on some hotter aspects of sex!)
Terri Lee, you're the kind of humorless c*u*n*t that drives men to porn. Your man, if you really have one, is either actively cheating on you, or he is thinking about cheating on you.
Get over yourself.
Captain Jack Wigal, you are suspended for a week for violating rule # 1 of the Code of Honor.
You guys just don't get it! (PUN INTENDED!) UDunnoBro - well, to be blunt...MOST men don't measure up (literally!) Since men claim they are visual, some women are visual as well - I'd like to see my man with a BIG, FAT WALLET, wine & dine me at the finest restaurants, my body covered in jewels, a nice car to drive...it's a two way street there, gentlemen & I use that term very loosely (as in the women of porn!) - get over it! Porn is fantasy - if you had ANY TALENT OR LOOKS, you would be the man in that film - and those "women" are not any better actresses than your wives/girlfriends! "Oh, yes, that's it! That's the way I want it..." - talk about Academy Award winning acting - the wives and girlfriends of the country deserve the golden statue for putting up with you & your excuses of why you watch porn so much! Porn for me would be coming home from work, dinner already prepared & the kitchen cleaned up, kids already fed, bathed and ready for bed with my guy waiting to give me a massage - why don't you try it some time & see how your woman reacts (if she doesn't fall over in disbelief!) A little romance does wonders!
This comment is uh....interesting.
So you're a gold digger?
I didn't know ugliness was an excuse.
Not a gold digger...it's just my fantasy!
If you use ugliness as an excuse, you have no one to blame but yourself - no one held a gun to your head to marry/go out with her! Maybe it was the beer goggles talkin'! You know...everyone is atttractive at 2 am & last call!
Yea, too bad you can't see how fat she gets about about age 30. Forward insight really would change the name of the game.
ruken,
give it a break already, I doubt you can even get a date, lol, seriously.
Laura, I agree, I can only imagine what the making these comments look like, and benet you are not all that you think you are in my opinion anyway.
Men need to step it up just a much or more to be appealing if you ask me.
Another couple of man haters here I see. Porn is fantasy its got nothing to do with a wife or girlfriend yet women are so insecure they apply the standards of our fantasy to themselves. Its pathetic. You prove most women are just after cash and you ideals are above what you bring to the table.
So then of course when their insecure foolishness and illogical view points don't make sense they resort to shaming language. So typical of the insecure, overweight, attitude having, entitled women who seem to be everywhere. Take some personally accountability ladies.
toker, do you even have a girlfriend? I doubt it, and I can assure you I have a better body than any woman you have ever been with and I would never let an ignorant man like you near me.
Just a couple of women that are in denial that a woman can act as badly as a man in a relationship.
I thought it wasn't about the body, Terri Lee, but the mind and soul? There's got to be an underlying reason for your aggression.
You seem to think a lot of yourself, and tend to denigrate and insult those who disagree with you. In your relationships once men get past your incredible body and find the barren and contentious soul within they probably engage in erotic fantasies, and then they eventually leave for someone better when even that doesn't satisfy them. Find your happiness and let others find their own, you'll find that respect is what keeps a man around more so than sex.
Laura wrote "talk about Academy Award winning acting "
Women in porn don't nag or complain about stupid stuff during the act. That's what a great sexual performance is all about.
"Porn for me would be coming home from work, dinner already prepared & the kitchen cleaned up, kids already fed, bathed and ready for bed with my guy waiting to give me a massage "
You're describing work, traditionally performed by the partner that brings home much less or zero income. Porn doesn't entail any participation from the female significant other. What's so wrong about watching pictures of naked women for a few minutes?
ahh Terri your insecurity shines through again and again. You have a better body than what I have had sexually? hahahah I doubt that. If you were what you claim you wouldn't be so sensitive and insecure. I have a woman and have had plenty of attractive women. Hell in the cannabis industry alone I have. FYI its not hard for a MJ grower to find attractive women.
Although it seems trendy to have one, I really hate a fat ass. And if she is more interested in material gain than a good relationship, she's just a whore. Whores don't want just money, they do it for merchandise, too.
LAURA!!! Best comment here.... we men don't get it.... www.pornharms.com
it isnt about money for me. it isnt about a massage for me. it isnt about him doing everything around the house for me. just like it isnt all about porn and sex for men. good grief. I would wager most of these men here would not even dream of seeing this woman with her clothes on and a mouth saying anything other than something sexual. lol Oh, yeah, take HER to mom. Imagine that conversation! HAHAHAHA
there are some shallow comments on here, likely from people who feel inadequate for how they appear to others, or the 'nice guy finishing last' lashing out at women. but as a woman who has a lot of male friends, your comment sounded just as bad. I dont put up with my husband. I often feel that he shouldnt have to put up with me. lol :) and of course there are times that I would love to strangle him, but I cant so I just keep going. lol
Bad thing is, I can hear what alot of these guys are saying, but they are phrasing it in a very poor way - as alot of guys do. But youre talking about sex, men are blunt, lol. And just like some women, some men dont have the sense that God gave a goose and are shallow, bitter, and worthless. It isnt all men, and likewise, it isnt all women.
You had some good points in your conversation but you lost them by lashing out. You ticked them off with the jewels and gold thing. lol As a very young woman at 21, I learned what I didnt want in a marriage. I didnt want hit. I didnt want married to a drunk with two kids fifteen months apart who were both infants. I didnt want to support a family on my own while he drank away my diaper money and cheated on me left and right. I didnt want my daughters to think that this was the type of "man" which was marriage material. AND I left. On my own. And it took me being Alot more careful before I found a good man. But all I wanted is what I have.
But a man who lusts after and jacks off to girls your daughters ages is fine..... what would your daughters think and feel about their daddy's "habit"?? Girls are sometimes quite upset when they stumble upon daddy's nastiness. I would never want to expose my girls to that!! It instills in them a sense of insecurity from the get go! www.pornharms.com www.yourbrainonporn.com
Considering that they are already moved out and grown now and never "stumbled on to Daddy's" anything. I think you are being ridiculous. And also, just because something sixteen may turn you on, doesnt mean that it did him. I actually saw what he had at different times, and how little it had even been accessed. My children were subjected to insecurities from a birthfather, not from the man who is their Daddy and stood up and helped me raise a happy family. All that my children have ever seen, is a mother and father that kiss hug and have friendship with each other which is more than many kids these days. Oddly enough we did not display any sexual behavior in front of them at all, whether over each other or anything else. Bit of information, most people do not do that. Sexual things, when adults have them, are kept from children. :)
@Laura sorry about your husbands affair but if you hadn't made him feel so inadequate he just may have watched a little porn and stayed home. good luck on your own.
As a woman and an incest survivor, the main problem I have with porn is that it exploits women - and many of the women who engage in pornographic careers have a history of sexual abuse which has been proven over and over again in numerous studies. Men can say, "It's their choice" and they are right - but what they don't seem to understand is that many of these women are choosing destructive behavior because they have been emotionally and mentally crushed by past abuse.
For me, knowing that a boyfriend was watching women in my home that could have experienced some of the same horrors I did is just too much. How can men get off from porn when they know that many of the women engaging in this behavior are being exploited? And sorry, but if men feel like they are not getting enough sex in their relationships, there is plenty of mental visualization that can be used for self-pleasure rather than helping to contribute to the exploitation of women. Also, if men are using the Internet for porn how do they know they aren't looking at under-aged runaways or women being forced to pose for the pics by their pimps or abusive boyfriends? This is the problem I have with porn - and why I choose to be alone rather than to be with someone who has to have porn in order to sexually satisfy themselves.
Porn doesn't exploit women they know exactly what they are doing which is selling their ass while being video taped. They are fully aware of whats going on. This is just more perpetual entitled victimization from women who don't want to take accountability for their actions.
E. Webster, do you shop for shoes or clothing? What hands are involved in the manufacture of those goods? Women buy much more clothing and shoes that men do. Most women I've known don't let a month go by without buying a new clothing item.
You are absolutely right Vincent - women are also exploited in many other ways besides porn, but that doesn't excuse or justify using porn. By the way, I am an extremely conscientious shopper - I buy only organic clothes and shoes made by companies with excellent employment records, and I purchase clothes made by woman on Etsy, located in the U.S., who sell clothes they make by hand. These clothes are much more expensive, which means I only buy clothes very rarely - like once every few years - and have a small wardrobe, but it's a wardrobe I can live with. And most of the women I know don't buy clothes every month.
Unfortunately, I think your comment and the one above are examples of the excuses men make because they don't like to face the inconvenient truth of how the porn industry exploits women who are brutalized by abuse, drug addiction and poverty.
Ms. Webster, you seem to be hung up on how WOMEN in the porn industry are "exploited." If the women are exploited, how about the men? I know, in your opinion it is impossible to exploit a man when it comes to sex, but you do need to take a good look at what actually goes on in this world, and not just what you want to believe goes on. As far as exploitation, I suppose being paid five hundred or a thousand dollars for fifteen minutes "work" is not exploiting the employer as well? Even in the low budget porn films, that is cheap labor, so who is exploiting whom? You may have been sexually abused as a child, but does that give you the right to take it out on ALL men? It does sound pretty much as if you are not happy with you, so maybe you should see someone about your problems.
Men don't know how much porn has messed with their minds AND their masculinity-- porn induced erectile dysfunction is a problem these days. Break the habit, and become a REAL man!!!
I can understand your sensitivity completely. And I appreciate your honesty and what you went through to form your opinion. You also know, just as I do, that not all of them are that way. They are not all victims, nor all by choice. But you have a very valid reason for your hypersensitivity and I would think because of that you just need to find someone who feels the same way about it. And there are men that do feel that way. Saying that all men like porn is like saying that all women are into money. Not so. And Im sorry that you went through that, its hell on earth. There are just as many women who heard 'cha ching' at the porn industry too.
Women need to take care of themselves, not turn into fat, sloppy, sweat pant wearing housewives or girlfriends who have no pride in their appearance that lie around on the couch with a remote control. Dress for your man so when he gets home from work he's happy to be there. It's up to you to be his "STAR"....
I agree with MarilynMD 100% Guys will be guys for the most part and watch some porn some of the times, but if that's what he's turning to instead of his wife or gf, then there's something wrong in the relationship.
All things being equal and they guy is more interested in porn than his woman, maybe the woman isn't doing her part to turn him on. It IS a two way street. If the woman is expecting the guy to get excited all the time by her just laying there like a dead fish...girlie, there's going to be a problem.
I have fiance who I love very much and she does turn me on most of the time, but I need to orgasm more than she does and sometimes our schedules just don't mesh up. So yes, I do watch porn in times of need. She knows this is she's okay with it. As she puts it, it's better porn than some other girl.
When she is ready for me, she is my "star". :-)
Great points mark.
I think it is insulting to say she is your porn star, so not about love, just my thoughts.
I guess I just like a man with better moral standards and class.
I agree,.....with most of what you said. Minus the "fat",....some men like the chubby girls. My husband loves my junk extra junk. But I agree.....I say keep it clean, tight, and like it was when you first started dating.
I feel like woman who are bothered by their man watching porn may also be the ones that turn down their man when he tries to get some from her first Or he is done being turned down,.....I have been there, I was that woman, but PS: I didn't want to have sex with him. It was 100% not about sex, it was all about how much of an ass he was outside of the bedroom. Major relationship issues,....maybe woman with porn issues need to look outside the bedroom. If you can't communicate with your partner, maybe there is a deep seeded issue. NOT about sex.
Flip side,....happily married now. 110% great sex life. I don't think I have ever turned down my husband if he was the one asking for sex. I would be crazy to.
But MEN, let me tell you a secret, my husband is all about BOTH of us getting satisfied. THAT makes a huge difference! If he treated me like a dump for his "seed" it would be a different story. He makes sure I feel sexy and makes me feel like I am the one that is turning him on,....even if I might not be at that moment, he would NEVER make me feel that. So in turn for how he makes me feel, I am 100% on board, 100% of time time, and down for whatever,.....my man deserves that and I am happy to do it. Shooot, I get mine too.
And to the woman who need material crap to feel sexy,....you seem super shallow and who would ever want to satisfily you? Really, think about it. If a nice ring, fancy dinner, or money in his pocket gets you going, YOU have issues.
Terri Lee.....you need to just relax,....being your man "porn star" doesn't degrade the woman. Haven't you ever heard someone say "If YOU don't satisfy your man, someone else will!", trust me,....there are too many woman that only want a "taken man",....You don't have to be bleach blond, fake boobs, and a great moaner,....just be up for sex and enjoy yourself. I mean it's SEX for heaven sake,...it's supposed to be fun.
................PS. What about the WOMAN who enjoys porn?
I think I watch more porn than my husband does. He doesn't care. I take care of business,....I tell him when he gets home, he laughs and were at it. COMMUNICATION!! I don't lie about it and if my husband is/was home he would be the one reaping the benefits.
How bout I dress for her?? Turn off the porn and pay attention to your woman!
Markinboston-- be a real man and learn to control yourself better-- i doubt you really need all those orgasms....in time, she will leave you or cheat on you because of your porn. It DOES something to a woman over time-- her self esteem will go down and you'll pay for it! Do yourself a favor and quit.
Sounds like a page out of a 1950's "handbook for wives".
If there is anything I learned from being married... its a two way street.... you got to fill the women's emotional needs before you get your physical needs.... nothing gets my wife more motivated than unexpected surprises... flowers... dates... gifts...home cooked dinner... then she takes all that happiness and gives it right back.... for weeks....
If porn is being used as a substitute for that... there are issues... but then again my wife is a slim 115lb i might not have the same perspective..
The cost of real sex is very high. Porn is an economical replacement, and in many ways, better than real sex as porn offers variety and quantity in women and quality of the act. Men are smart and have invented a lower cost version of women trading sex for money. The issue at hand is that women feel devalued because they have lost some sexual control over a man, particularly if women enjoy using sex as a reward for a gift or work from a man.
Mire you are right on the money. It's a two way street... if a guy isn't getting any there's a reason.
MireVo3-
So if your wife wasn't "a slim 115 lb" ...then what?
I would hope she means more to you than what she weighs.
I think it is about mentality and morals, choose a partner that shares the same values as you. Personally I would never want to be with a man that would want to watch porn very much and I am an attractive woman who is not insecure about my body and can get a man anywhere I go., I don't think any porn stars are better looking than me and I think they are used losers with stds with major problems.
I wouldn't want to be with a guy with low mentality and moral standards which is really what it is about.
Some of you guys really need to get some class.
Suuure! Porn has nothing to do with morality but more so your insecurity and self loathing.
toker, I am not self loathing whatsoever, I am bothered by guy that I will never want to have sex with and wish they would leave me alone, I guess that is what my problem is.
I have stalker issues, I guess, but it is not my fault. Also I have the body type that porn stars pay for, I am small but very busty naturally, I get way too mucy attention from men without wanting it.
I am also very picky because I can get so many men, I prefer smart interesting athletic ones with morals, not losers who spend all their time watching porno.
I think you would be surprised just how many people look at porn - women and men.
Terri- Do you disingenuously brag much? You will be a cat lady in the future.
Terri I think you are looking at this as all guys that look at porn have no morals or "acceptable" behavior. I'm one of those who unfortunately is in the employment line due to layoffs. I watch porn for two main reasons. 1. For the last 6 years my wife and I have been on schedules where we have 1 or 2 nights a week together for intimacy, she works 3rd shift, I've worked 2nd and 1st the majority of the time. And 2. Simply put there are somethings I have an interest in that she is not willing to do. I'm glad you have a shape you can brag about. I love my wife, and she is the most interesting and attractive woman in the world to me, but she's not always here. I spend most my day taking care of our son, cleaning house, cooking dinners, and doing random jobs for a bit of cash. I dote on both my wife and son, does that make me a degenerate because now and again I have a little entertainment from the adult film industry? Also, I know many women that are in the industry that are clean and happy with the money they make, and the fun they have there. Not all are STD infested whores, actually many are very selective of the partners they work with. Sadly this is not the case for all adult film employees, but every company has a different standard, I digress though. I make no apologies for my life, I have a good life. There are just times where it is good to see a visual of your fantasy, as long as you remember that the fantasy is never the reality.
Terri, wait until your looks start to fade. You're in for a rude awakening when men aren't attracted to you as much anymore. Better get married before that happens if you're not already.
Wow Terri, is the air breathable way up on your high horse?
Porn CAN be bad, but just because one likes to look at people having sex, makes them no less moral than those who pretend they are pure as the driven snow.
Anthony, you make more sense than most of those here.
Your wife and son are lucky to have you.
Terri Lee, you might want to rethink what you're saying. You keep talking about the vast number of men you have sex with, and then sneer at the "morals" of men who watch porn.
Guys watch erotica because it provides them what they need, and their wives or girlfriends are usually unwilling to provide it. Women want romance, expect it, feel that they are worth it. Men want seduction, and also feel that they are worth it but and realize it's not going to happen due to cultural bias or sexual reserve.
Erotic actresses are experts at providing men that feeling of being seduced, portraying a partner filled with unreserved passion and a sense of need. Until wives and girlfriends step up and realize what excites the male ego, erotica is going to flourish.
Women with a high sense of self esteem and feel that they are more attractive than erotic actresses miss the point entirely, it's not the looks, it's the demonstration of intense desire that men crave.
they are experts at taking drugs and pretending for money, it's not real. and many times they end up dead for their career decision.
some of you are so pathetic the way you think.
the fact that you are so into shows you have a problem and don't understand real relationships if you base your sexual thoughts from porno, you have a real big problem as it is not reality.
But, there's all kind of people out there, with all kinds of needs, who are you to determine what's right and wrong for someone else? Is everyone who disagrees with you pathetic? Is your morality the only valid one? It's such attitudes that force some men to turn to erotica so they can imagine a supportive and fun loving sex partner, instead of the sour-faced, and sour-minded judge they were naive enough to trust with their love.
Life is made up entirely of your own thoughts, whatever you think is real, is real... at least to you. No one needs acceptance or validation from another soul to have thoughts or fantasies which give them pleasure, which is fortunate, because there are a lot of self-righteous buzz-killers out there that want everyone to share their own personal oppression.
Terri Lee wrote "they are experts at taking drugs and pretending for money, it's not real."
That also describes every other actor in TV, cinema and theater. But the sex in porn is very real. Porn is popular among men because porn offers what women do not. Women in general don't like porn as much as men do because women's attraction to men in general is strongly tied to his income and the cost of his clothing. Male attraction is more egalitarian in that men have a least some sexual attraction to all women, diminished only by female obesity (looks pregnant) and age (not fertile).
Porn is getting better and better, though there is much to enjoy in retro. With 85+" TVs with 4k resolution coming this year, porn will move into a new realm.
Vincent Denali you are also leaving out that the porn industry is controlled mainly by the women. They set a list of their do's and don'ts vehemently. Amateur porn may have a lot of problems with STD'd and drug/alcohol abuse, but the professionals have little trouble with these issues as the porn industry is highly regulated. STD testing is mandatory in most companies, they have the same standard of drug testing that most employment agencies use as well. They don't want junkies that will flip out on stage, not show up at work, and not take care of their bodies. Simply put they want employees. Actually with a little research most can find that the women make more money, and call more shots than their male counterparts.
If a woman feels like this she needs therapy, if she is with a man that has a problem and doesn't get help, she needs to leave. It really is that simple.
It's about the mind and soul and not the body. I SEE Many women THAT DO have nice bodies or are in shape and still feel insecure and always will, but the honest truth is that the women in these movies are truly the women with the lowest self esteem in all actuality to let themselves be used, exploited and exposed to the sleaziest people on earth with the deadliest diseases.
Terry, again, it sounds like you have a problem with men in general and any one, man or woman, who happens to like to watch porn once in a while in particular. Was porn involved in your abuse, or did the abuser just happen to be someone who watched porn? This is something YOU need to look at before naming names and making accusations about what men should or shouldn't be like.
TerriLee is one extreme, people who are addicted to porn are the other.
As usual, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
I watch it for the witty banter. I also enjoy the ongoing narration like the "Give it to me like that" over and over like the dude is not gonna know what to do without her constant coaching.
really I always wonder at what point the hiv/aids virus is transmitted, excitement.
it would be nice if people were equipped with an STD indicator light kinda like those beer cans that tell you when they are cold. Then people could wager on which position the performers were in during the transmission of the virus.
i think terri just alluded to getting an std from watching porn .
But are the men looking at porn because their women are uninterested and/or unresponsive. Perhaps if the women were more interested in their men, the men would not need to view porn. Just a thought.
Have to chime in. My ex-husband wanted porn more than anything. Before the Internet, we (as a couple) would go to the adult video store, pick out 3 movies, go home, watch one of them, have fun. He would set up the vcr to copy the others so he could return them (I know, so illegal). Whilst returning, he would get three more, copy those. I realized eventually that I wasn't actually seeing most of them. Then there was the bottom drawer of his dresser that was full to the brim with magazines. And we aren't talking 'Playboy' or even 'Hustler'. Then the Internet came along and he would get out of bed around three in the morning to go get on the computer. And the he would copy everything off onto HUNDREDS of floppy disks so that it wouldn't be on the computer where it might be found. We had actual sex once a month, not because I wasn't willing to have it more often, but that is how long it would take for me to have a conniption fit about it (if he didn't initiate it he felt like he was being 'forced to perform'). When I finally stopped having said monthly fit, it was 3 months before he realized we hadn't 'done it' for a while. Needless to say, my response at that point was too little too late. And now I'm involved with a man that actually likes doing more than watching and we average about 3 times a week. Not too shabby for a couple old farts. So I have to say, no, the reason isn't necessarily that the woman is not interested or responsive. Just saying.
Laura, a few posts back had some good points. The best sex accessory I have ever had is a massage table. Timothy Leary had it right in a certain way, when he mentioned set and setting as being important for setting mood. I follow a more tantric procedure. So I prepare a good light meal, at the very least a variety of taste delights to awaken the senses, give my lady a "ritual" bath and grooming (I'm freshly bathed as well), adoring her the whole time. Then comes the massage table and a nice relaxing massage which merges into a sensual massage, an erotic massage and of course some most excellent sex. Pornography just doesn't compare and is horridly boring and lacking compared to the real thing. The only real problem with all that is the time it takes, at least 4 or more hours from the time we sit down to eat. I know that isn't practical for everybody at every opportunity just because of the total time but it sure does set the mood. A light snack and a quick bath can cut that down to 2-3 hours when in a hurry. Setting the mood is very important for good time to be had by all. Pornography can't compete with that. So many of the people in pronography do not look like they are genuinely enjoying themselves. And if the visual element is important, throw a sex party for a bunch of your friends and take turns performing for eveybody's pleasure. Of course none of that produces the "sex on demand right now for 10 minutes" that may be what some guys want, or at least the fantasy of it.
I guess I just like a man that also thinks watching dumb exploited losers having sex isn't really that great, I'd rather do something more interesting and real. Usually guys that are addicted to porn are losers anyway, I don't know why I am even posting here, except to give the ladies some nice advice that a healthy man is not watching porn all day, seriously.
Suppose he's not watching it all day, but only spending an hour or two occasionally engaged in some personal fantasy? Is he still a loser in your eyes? What if he's a nice guy, good provider, loving, supportive and kind... but watches porn sometimes. Should such a man be discarded out of hand, or do you make allowances for someone you love?
Perhaps you're one of those who feels their opinion is right, and whoever doesn't agree has some sort of problem. If so, the therapy you recommend to others might be better spent on why the activities of others, that don't affect you, is so important, and why your desperate need for validation consistently damages your own relationships.
"...occasionally engaged in some personal fantasy" is fine - asking your partner to join you when you want to watch porn is fine (yes, some women DO like porn) - but when your partner hides the fact that he is watching it, how often he watches it & denies the fact or tries to turn the tables on you by saying that you're the reason why he watches it, then something is wrong - why is he hiding the fact that he does watch it? - honesty & communication in any relationship is a MUST - if you lie about something as trivial as pornography, then the relationship is doomed - makes you wonder...what else could he possibly be lying about?
My suggestion - if you like porn that much, TELL YOUR PARTNER!!! Be open & honest - tell her you want to watch it with her instead of hiding it from her - maybe you both can find a movie or two that both will get enjoyment out of! If she is that turned off by the fact that you were honest about how you feel about porn, maybe it's time to move on & find someone else you can be honest with and who will love you WARTS & ALL!
Thank you, Laura. Most guys don't spend inordinate amounts of time and/or money on porn, and a good number of them do share with the ladies in their lives. Ms. Terri Lee above seems to have a problem with the idea that any man she knows might want to watch something privately, without her presence. My lady and I do share most of the porn I watch, but there are times when I will watch something online while she is doing something else on her computer. This takes nothing from her, and does not mean I think any the less of her, it just means I spend some time doing this while she is playing games.
Only a woman insecure in her relationships can generate feelings of hatred and loathing towards erotic actresses, if they have the problems you describe they deserve understanding and support. They don't get it because they are associated with the sex industry, and far too many people think that sex is dirty unless it's performed with various preconditions and conforms to their own arbitrary standards.
But sex is primal, it transcends any degree of culture. Next to food and sleep, it's the most powerful of all needs. Attempted control of the sex act is one of the primary tools of religion, and it's one of the most nefarious and damaging to humanity. Erotica is denounced simply because it removes one of the controls of the mind, and free-thought is the most dangerous element imaginable to those who seek control through fear and repression.
Janet Margolin: "Do you think sex is dirty?"
Woody Allen: "It is if you're doing it right."
(From Take The Money And Run)
If my guy wants me to look and act like a porn star then he better look like one and make love like one too.
He wants me busty, tiny waisted, with a perfectly manicured body and gorgeous long hair then he better be hung, well built, and be able to make me SCREAM the way those women pretend to.
All the guys on here, let's remember the girls you're complaining about get to wash your skid stained underwear, pick up your smelly socks, deal with your nasty morning breath, watch you pick your nose and inspect it, see you giggle when you fart and all the rest of the attractive stuff you men do. You think after all that we want to switch on our 'inner porn star' and pleasure you?
Seriously, you want a porn star, no problem. I can do that. That's YOUR fantasy and I'd be thrilled to do it for but you better fulfill my fantasy in return and pick up after yourself, be able to support yourself (you don't need to support me, I can do it myself), and keep YOURSELF looking as good as you expect me to look. As another woman said, how about having dinner ready once a while or taking care of the babies we expelled for you?
Ya'all get what you give...you got a fat slob sitting on the couch eating rather than going to bed with you then there is a reason why.
Exactly, real relationships are about accepting what is sometimes distasteful, for both men and women. If you think that men are the only ones with foul habits or smells you're kidding yourself. Fantasy fulfills a role that isn't possible in the real world, is that bad? Fantasy is what we engage in when we don't feel like dealing with the real world for awhile, be it movies, books, music or some artistic hobby. I doubt most men want their spouse or girlfriend to be their porn star, they want their partner to be supportive and respectful, affectionate and understanding... same as most women want from their partner, and none of these things is provided by erotica.
But, there's hormone-driven animal need that erotica satisfies, those without testosterone can never understand it any more than a man can understand the hormonal changes of menstruation, though we are generally expected to suffer through the mood swings and irrational behavior with understanding.
If anyone's sense of worth, male or female, is derived solely by the actions of their spouse, removing the erotica, or any other element from the equation won't change a thing. The lack of self-esteem will find another external stimuli to focus upon and blame for their dysfunction.
Tiredofrepubs, I think you're a little bitter about it but right on the money. I say that as a married man and can totally relate.
I agree that whats good for the goose is good for the gander. However, most men don't watch porn because they want their woman to be that woman. I'd wager most watch for the same reasons I watch, lack of time for intimacy due to work schedules or timing in general. Or because they have a particular interest their partner is not comfortable with or does not have an interest in performing. I don't watch porn all day everyday, being unemployed I keep the house, work with my son's education, and do what little cash jobs I can. My wife works 10 hour days and on a 3rd shift schedule, when my son is in bed, my wife is at work. Sometimes its just practical to see what interests you and take care of business instead of trying to get your spouse to play when you know they just aren't up for it. This applies to men and women.
No Tired, I really don't think you could switch on your "inner porn star". You are a porn star, or you aren't.
Anthony, will you marry me?
Why the extremes?
Porn is great for the relationship that can handle it. However it requires a man that does not judge his partner by the actresses, and a woman that has enough self confidence/esteem to understand that those people are paid actors. If the woman feels threatened by porn then perhaps she needs to look inward as to why. Also, they used 18-29 year old women. From my point of view, these are typically not the most self confident women when it comes to sex and/or body image. Usually 35-50 year old women have the most positive body image, because they are waaaaaaay past what Cosmo says they should look like.
I've found that many women judge themselves by what society says they should be--this porn conversation is just the latest female judging version of are you good enough--- (ex. the TIME magazine cover a few weeks ago about breastfeeding). All in all, a self confident woman has more active and enjoyable sex life, regardless of the usage of porn.
I agree completely! Well said!
It's a pretty crappy husband/boyfriend who comes onto a public forum to complain about his wife/girlfriend instead of talking to HER to try and fix what's wrong.
I think it's more about hiding it. If the guy says "hey, look, I have porn, let's watch it together and get it on, foxy lady", then it would be okay because he's showing that he may enjoy watching the performance but at the end of the day, he wants YOU, not the girl in the flick. Now if the guy has a stash of porn and isn't telling you about it or involving you in it, and then says he's not in the mood for sex because he already took care of his needs by watching porn, then it can be hurtful to the woman who may feel she cannot measure up. The point is, don't keep it a secret, because once she finds out, she may be upset. Ladies, the same goes for the vibrators. Guys don't mind sex toys during sex, but if the sex toy is replacing sex with the guy, then something's gotta go: either the guy will go, or the toy must go.
Also, people...control yourselves, men who are drooling over the naked women in the porn flick and comparing their girl to them...I probably don't need to state the obvious, but that's a no-no, and I'm sure men wouldn't like it if their girls said "wow, look at this porn star's six-pack...why can't YOU have one?". Be sensitive to each other and compliment each other, both in the looks department and the performance department.
NEWS FLASH: I don't give a @!$%# what my boyfriend looks at when it comes to porn! As long as they are all older than 19 then is doesn't matter to me. (Of course he prefers older women but whatever.)
Certainly some insecure woman are bothered by their boyfriend porn watching but maybe they need to work on their own mental health and leave their boyfriend's porn out of it.
I'll admit it, I look at porn. I have a hot girlfriend, and she knows I look at it. Everyone has their reason for looking at porn. Some people are satisfied with their partner, some aren't. that's just one reason. We have many sexual desires that can't be fulfilled by our partner, and porn is one way to some what satisfy them. If it's a problem for the female, then she should talk to her mate to see what she can do, otherwise move on to someone who won't lower their self-esteem.
Move on - don't waste your time on boys who watch porn & are not ready for the real thing.
What about those who ARE ready, but CAN'T get it, because of where they or what they are doing? I suppose all those guys spending thirty on and thirty off drilling platforms should just wait until their off days and HOPE they can hook up with some lady for a few days? Or, if they are married, stay celibate until they get home and hope she isn't on her period when he comes in, and isn't sick, or tired from taking care of the family he is supporting financially, but not physically most of the time? Even for a long haul driver, which is better for him, and his wife, a bit of porn, or some prostitute, or another girlfriend in another town? Think about what you are saying before you go spouting off about things you apparently have little knowledge of.
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years looks at porn every day and it doesn't bother me at all. I know that some of those women are better looking than me and many of them are younger, but I also know that he isn't leaving me for any of them, even if one of them showed up at the door. He knows that he has the whole package with me...sexually and in daily life. A lot of what's being said is true. Both men and women need to put more effort into there sex lives with their significant other. Men and women, for the most part, are turned on in different ways. Each needs to recognize that and step up to the challenge to make the other happy. It's amazing how incredible sex can be when both people truly want to bring the other to the ultimate sexual plateau. So, no low self esteem here. I know that for my boyfriend, no porn star could ever compare to what he has with me.