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Most people who have their first child after the age of 40 think the best time to have kids is five to 10 years earlier, a small new study suggests.
The study participants maintained that older parenting has more advantages than disadvantages, but when they were asked about the "optimal age for parenting," 80 percent of the women and 70 percent of the men said it was in the 30s, and many of them indicated that it was only their circumstances that kept them from becoming parents then.
The University of California, San Francisco, study was limited to 107 people, most of them white, married and with above-average incomes. The authors said future research should include a more diverse group and should follow up on the older parents once their children reach the teens.
Advantages of being an older parent
Researchers interviewed 46 couples and 15 single women who had used in vitro fertilization to conceive their first child when the woman was 40 or older. People who used IVF were chosen for the study because they were likely at the very end of their reproductive capabilities, the researchers said. The participants were asked what they thought were the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a parent at this point in their lives.
"A majority of women and men in the study believed that childbearing later in life resulted in advantages for themselves and their families," the researchers wrote.
The chief advantage, according to the participants, was that they were more emotionally prepared for parenting — 72 percent of women and 57 percent of men said this was an advantage.
One father said, "I know that I’m way more self-aware than I was 20 years ago. I feel like I’m in a better position to communicate better with my child and help them more in life, and I understand how to be a supportive, encouraging parent."
A woman said, "I just have more confidence in myself than I did in my 20s, so I don’t get fazed by as much as I might have when I was younger."
Other cited advantages included having more career success and flexibility in their work, greater financial security, and stronger relationships with their partners and families. [ Pregnant Women Over 50 'Do Pretty Well' Study Finds ]
Seven of the men had older children from previous relationships. They commonly said that as older parents, they had more time available for parenting than they did when they were younger.
The downside
Still, the women tended to say they would have wanted to have children earlier had they met their partner sooner.
"I think if I could have written out the story of my life, I would have met him younger, and I probably would have had children maybe at 35," one woman said.
Most of the participants said they could not have had children earlier because of their circumstances.
Nearly half the women said that the difficulties they had in conceiving, and the need to use IVF, were the primary disadvantages of trying to become a parent at a later age.
In fact, many of the women said that because of their ages, they were advised to "go straight to IVF" when they decided to get pregnant. Most were told at some point during the treatment that their odds were poor. As a result, many said they felt lucky and appreciative to have had a child. Half of them conceived and gave birth after only one cycle of IVF.
Participants also said they believed they would have had more energy for parenting if they were younger. More than a third of the women and a quarter of the men said a disadvantage was a lack of physical energy.
Other disadvantages cited were concerns about being healthy and living long enough to see their children become adults; having a smaller family than they'd wished; and feeling stigmatized for being older parents.
The disadvantages had enough of an effect on the participants' conception and parenting experience that most said the best time for having kids would be five to 10 years earlier in life, the researchers concluded.
"Parenting in their 30s was imagined to reflect a compromise" between the financial and emotional advantages of becoming a parent later and the lack of energy and other drawbacks, they wrote.
Their findings were published online Feb. 14 in the journal Human Reproduction.
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It would also be interesting to ask the children of parents of different ages how they feel about it. Maturity (older parents) vs energy (younger parents), financial stability (older parent advantage) vs care-giving burden (older parent disadvantage). So many factors play a role.
The younger the better. Old people should not be raising kids. PERIOD!
I'd add an "L" to your name... Who the hell are you to tell people when they can or can not have kids? I had a child at 17 and another at 43... Only a moron would think a 17 yrs old is capable of raising a child. Things worked out.. I'm grateful for that... nothing like being a burden to society as a parent at 17.
Im sure your 26 was greatful to have another child while trying to also raise a grandchild. Congrats on that.
@jsfoo
I was 48 when my daughter was born. Now she's 16, an A student, plays the violin in the school orchestra, and is a happy, well-adjusted (for a teenager) young lady.
I bloody well know I was a much better parent at that age than I would have been in my 20's.
I suspect you're just trolling.
Having a child is risky, period. Types of parenting depends solely on the individual. While Severed was able to raise her child better in her 40/50s, Jersey may be the best parent in his/her 30s. jsfoo probably would never make a good parent at any age.
....jsfoo....next time you read a story about some child that got killed by his parent, pay attention to the age of that parent(they almost always list it in the story).....rarely have I seen an "older" parent lose it to the point of murdering their child....
And, so effing what the 26 year old has a way younger sibling? I think YOU need to get off yer butt and get some education, 'cause your immaturity is showing.....
With the change in societal norms, the problem is that "many" children/young adults do not get experience in child care from their parents and it is not taught in middle school. As far as I know the only place child development courses are available are in higher education/under graduate schooling.
Actually, in the State of Florida (which isn't exactly cutting edge, so other states must surely have similiar programs) every 8th grader is required to have a Life Skills Class which includes "taking care" of a computerized "Baby" for several weeks. These very expensive toys cry when wet, when they need to be fed, when dropped, etc. There is even an alert for "abuse" which fails you for the project. Don't blame lack of education: Blame a sense of entitlement and an inability to put the needs and wants of another human being before their own....
The health of the woman's eggs is important because she doesn't keep producing new ones. The eggs she makes at puberty will simply age over time and become more vulnerable to defects and infertility problems. Therefore, I think it is a compromise between ensuring a healthy pregnancy and birth with the maturity and financial/educational/marital status of the mother-to-be.
If I was a young woman today, I would aim to have my first child between age 25-31. And I'd stop there... no need to overpopulate the world, strain your resources, or deal with squabbling siblings. Preferably do things in order: Finish college, get started on a real career, build up financial resources, get married, wait 2-3 years to start a family, travel a bit, make sure you're healthy and not overweight, then have a baby.
Stillwitty - I also live in Florida and am amused by the assumption that this Life Skills Class is successful. A few years ago, a survey of high school students demonstrated that young people in our state are completely naive on sex education and life skills. When something like over 50% of them believe that drinking Mountain Dew before intercourse will protect against pregnancy, our society has many other issues... it's not the entitlement, it's just a complete and utter lack of education and awareness about what's needed to raise a child.
ttmadison, consider having two because my only desperately wants a sibling.
I was the youngest of a long line of children. My mom had me when she was 40, Dad was 45. I was grateful to have older parents. They spent quality time with me. They were also more experienced in life so they were far more capable in managing their finances, time, and energy. They had more time to value the family life as opposed to just getting by. Maturity plays a huge role in child bearing in my opinion. I also started my family after age 35 and I know I'm a more patient, and secure parent than I would have been in my 20's. I still wanted to party in my 20's and not ready to be strapped to children. Got my travels and party life accomplished so now I cherish my family time and want to spend time with my kiddos.
Maturity and financial stability certainly do have merits, but I can see how they might be drawbacks as well. My parents were fairly successful, but they didn't hit a "comfort zone" until later in their careers. What we saw as children were the frugal years; we heard them discussing financial priorities, we experienced the struggles of job changes and relocations, and we got a sense of how much time and effort goes into creating a home. When children are born into a situation where their parents already have a stable career, a permanent home, and a certain standard of living, I wonder how much they really learn about achieving those things themselves. Do they get frustrated as young adults when they have to start with unfulfilling, low-paying positions? Are they content with renting and moving before settling to a nice home like the one they grew up in? Are they mentally prepared to budget?
I just wonder how much of an example parents can set when they did all their life-building before the children ever arrived. It seems to me that having stability and spending quality time with kids is only half of the picture; demonstrating reality and how to handle it is the other half. My own parents once lamented how busy they were when we were young, and how they have so much time now, but no children left at home to spend it with. That's when I was prompted to say, "But if children never see the struggles, then how are they going to be prepared for their own?" I assured them that the stability and relaxation that comes with age is beneficial to the grandchildren, so they should not feel like life was mis-timed.
In some quarters, it appears to be around 13-14 and daddy could be one of many in the town.
Yeah, moved to northern FL from the west coast a few years ago, in my mid-20s. Was appalled to learn that it's nearly impossible to have childless friends at my age here...
Save the world... don't have kids...
How is that going to save the world, exactly?
I think Squid is referring to overpopulation and the increasing fewer resources we have. This is going to be a huge problem in the future if not already.
I just have the one. She's enough to make me happy.
As an older parent I was saved by my children from cynicism and rediscovered, through them, the wonder of life.
You should seek therapy
OK, now I know you're just trolling.
Get a life.
"Most people who have their first child after the age of 40 think the best time to have kids is five to 10 years earlier, a small new study suggests."
Agree with this actually. I had my one and only son at age 45. Having some fatigue and medical issues now that I have to overcome and younger parents don't have these issues statistically. So in a way I think kids get cheated not to have younger more energetic parents. So through experience I have learned the hard way.
The great advantage I have though is more life experience and this has helped tremendously.
Not sure about that. I just turned 64, and bicycle 20 miles at a time with my kid. Sometimes I have more energy than she does.
This part here: 'A woman said, "I just have more confidence in myself than I did in my 20s, so I don’t get fazed by as much as I might have when I was younger."' got me a little bit. We had our son when we were 28...and it's not the age that gives you the confidence, it's becoming a parent that gives you that confidence. So I think she has it a little backwards. In either sense, I'd say that between 22 and 35 is the perfect age range for having kids.
First child: 1979 - Me - 26, Her - 21, Third and last child: 1985 - Me - 32, her - 27. Currently; Me - 58, Her - 53. Third has been mostly out of the house since 2003. Her - finished her teaching degree in 2004. We're doing the DINK in reverse, both reasonably healthy, and enjoying every bit of it. One grandchild so far that we still have enough energy to keep up with. Perfect. My opinion: don't worry about circumstances because they'll never be just right. Do what feels right at the time and younger (early to late 20's) mothers are less risk for both mother and child.
I had my child right after turning 42. I wouldn't change that for the world. This sample is extremely small and I doubt it's statistically significant. I had many years to pursue other interests like world travel, kayaking, skiing and jobs in the outdoors. Having a child at 42 forced to to stay in better shape physically and it gave me the chance to teach my daughter lifetime sports like skiing, swimming, and kayaking, too. Yes, I'll likely be an old grandma if she marries and has children assuming I'm still alive. But 60 is the new 40 for living life to the fullest, and she'll be off to college when I'm 60 (not too far away), so I'll be able to continue to pursue other things again. I laugh when I watch the problems my 30 something friends are having with their spawn.
Interesting. I like your post, but I find it perplexing that 42 would be the perfect age for the reasons you listed. I'm an Alaskan myself, and I enjoyed years of skiing, mountain-climbing, biking and camping before I had children - and I had my first at age 22. I too did field work - as an intern in college, that is - and feel like those opportunities were crucial in becoming the person I am now. But does it really take 20 years of it to be ready as a parent? I started taking my oldest camping when she was 3, and my youngest first camped when he was 18 months old. I know that up here, being the "last frontier" and a plethora of natural resources, people have more opportunities to get meaningful jobs straight out of college and build the American Dream faster than in most of the Lower 48, but still... I have trouble believing that it takes 20 years past prime fertility to be those kind of parents. I mean, you're running a huge risk of not being a parent at all if you wait that long!
I had my first 3 children at 20,22,26 and my last at 44. Neither my husband or I have any serious medical issues. I think I am a better Mom for the last, I am calmer and patient, and more financially secure. My older children think I was a good Mom and we have a loving family, their father and I have respectful, friendly relationship even through the divorce and beyond. That said the lst daughter was planned 7 years before we had her. She was born 4 years after the Drs told us that unless we did all the medical interventions it wouldn't happen. She had other ideas. So we now have children from 35-10 years old and 4 grandchildren. So it does work out either way...
I just became a parent for the second time at 38. The first time was at 34. I feel like we waited too long, considering that my wife and I were the last couple that we knew to have kids. However, I definitely am happy that I waited until I was out of my 20's. We had to get our travel bug out, and do all the other selfish things that DINKS in their 20's are known to do (buy expensive toys, party, etc). We did a lot of fun things that we would have missed and regretted. The only downside that I have seen is the lower energy level that I have now. I couldn't imagine if we waited another 5 years - my body is falling apart as it is! If I could do it again, I probably would have started at 30 or 31 just so that I could be more active with my kids than I am. I had no idea that my back & knees were going to give up on me so young.
I will have just turned 30 a month before my baby is due in August. It took us three years and two miscarriages to get to this point where we have made it successfully to the second trimester. I think it's the perfect age for kids for us as we're both in stable jobs, financial secure - not wealthy but not sweating the bills - and have plenty of friends with kids already for hand-me-downs! I definitely am glad that we didn't start trying for kids too early even in spite of the issues we've had getting pregnant. I see how stressed our younger friends are because of finances, bad relationships, etc. and am glad my husband and I were able to build such a solid relationship and marriage before kids are tossed into the equation. Not knocking those who have kids young but for me, I'm glad we lived some before we started the journey towards parenthood.
I am 38 and my husband and I are expecting our first child this summer...It was a big surprise. While I worry about being a good parent, I think I will be a much better parent now than I would have been in my 20s. We had so many other issues to deal with that I don't think we could have made really good parents then plus we were broke! My parents were older and so were his when they had us...We are actually younger than my mom and dad when they had me, so I think everything will be okay. I don't think anyone can pinpoint the perfect time to have a child...just like everything else, it is too individualistic.
Congratulations in advance! Happy for you!
My husband and I have -yours, mine and ours- 7 children over 20 years. When we were younger, money was less secure as was insurance (we had to depend on state/federal to cover the kids) but demonstrating love, being active with and giving attention to our children wasn't an issue. It still isn't. We had 2 more when 4 of our teens were old enough to become"parents"(3 in high school, one just out). They come and play with their younger siblings and almost every time say "I so don't want one". They love their sisters but they see the time/money/activity restrictions that the 2 younger ones put on us. And I'm GLAD they don't want kids this young. I cringe when I here kids below the legal drinking age discuss how excited they are to be starting their families now.
I had mine at 42 and agree with the comments in the article. I think I'm a great mother with two exceptions.My energy level is not what it was at 35 and I have a hard time dealing with the parents nad teachers at the elementary school. I believe I'm older than than both (in fact old enough to be a mother to some of the teachers). There is a generation gap and I feel like I'm stuck in a bad junior high "mean girls" movie. I'm scared I'll ruin my sons social life on both issues.....
I'm coming into this discussion kind of late, but I thought I'd chime in since my comment is relevant. My children attend a private school, so the demographics are a little different, but I have to say that the children of "older" parents are better adjusted, more mature, and more academically advanced than the children of "younger" parents in general. I'd like to think mine are the exception, since I fall into the younger bracket, but of course that's subjective observation. The teacher is very young, but relates to the older parents just fine. So do I. Having children of the same age kind of transcends the age gap socially.
I had my first and only child at 43. At the time, married 19 years. Wanted children in my early 30's, didn't happen even w fertility treatments. It was a complete, total suprise and the best experience of my life thus far, my child is 6 now. The energy level is less than my thirties but my husband and I can still do plenty. Many of the parents of my child's friends are in worse shape all the way around - financially, emotionally and so therefore their kids suffer. Mostly I notice the children of younger parents seem to lack attention and they have to share their parents with a lot more distractions. I agree, dealing w the younger teachers is a little tough but I love my child (as all parents do) so I speak up if I feel the need and so far - I think my age and demeanor gets me respect. Sometimes you don't have the luxury of a choice it happens - best you can do is, love your child and put them first. And it's true, a child can save you from being cynical and open your eyes to the stuff you missed when you were young.
I had my first child at 21, and my second at 23. I divorced and remarried at 37, and had my third child at 38 and my fourth at 42. All are happy, healthy and well adjusted. My oldest son is very close with his younger siblings and they adore him. I may not have as much energy, as I did when I was younger, but I wouldn't change a thing. Parenting can be stressful, at any age; but your children don't demand perfection, just love.
you are blessed, it's nice to see that you know it. Glad for your family.
The most aware older parents who are financially able can mitigate many of the drawbacks to offspring of older parenthood.
one is that they can prepare financially so that offspring will not be burdened by care in old age.
another is that they can make sure they themselves are VERY healthy and fit and spry. Although the fittest 45 year old may not be the same as THEMSELVES at 25, they can be as energetic as the average 25 yr old parent. My parents were very different at 45 than I am...I don't smoke, and I do excersize unlike them.
My dad seemed old at 50...he really slowed down. I will not.
Maybe raising you aged him?
I married young (just turned 21) but had my first child at 26 due to a health problem. My next two were born in my early 30s. I'd say my 30s was a good age - young enough to enjoy and keep with with all their activities. I really don't know how anyone does it if they wait too long.
There are advantages and disadvantages to everything. It just depends on the person which is best.
By the way, back in the old days, before reliable birth control, most people married very young, and women had their first kids at around 18 and still often had kids at age 40. So used to be most women had kids when they wer both young and old!
Perhaps the difference has less to do with age and more with really wanting a child. And really understanding what having a child means. So many young people have assumptions of what having a baby will be like and very few of them are based in reality.
I was 21 when I had my first child and 59 when the second was born, my 39yo son thinks his little brother is wonderful. Don't tell the oldest that I'm doing a much better job of being a father now than I did with him!
Wow, I didn't read your name before I read your comment and sleepily was wondering how a woman could have a baby at age 59!
I wanted children all my life and was estatic to have twin boys in my forties. I would have been a nervous wreck having them in my twenties. I had an easy full-term birth and love them more than anything. I have plenty of energy to do things with them. I do look young for my age so haven't had problems with comments. I see younger moms on their cell phones or texting and ignoring their children, it makes me wonder why they had them. Being older made me appreciate them more. My grandmother had her last children at 39 and 41 and always told me that they helped keep her young. Same for me.
I think the best age to have children is in the early 30's in which one SHOULD have completed college, have a job, and is more mature than in the 20's.
I had my first baby when I was twenty. We were young (as in immature and inexperienced) but we loved her to pieces and enjoyed her growing up. She is now 43 years old and is happy, sensible, secure, and successful in her endeavors so we must have done something right.
I was thirty when I had my second baby and recognized and appreciated the maturity and experience I brought to that child. Of course we loved him to pieces too, and he enjoyed the benefit of having a warm, loving older sister. We were better off financially and had the advantage of experience so as to not make the same mistakes. (Actually that is not an advantage. We managed not to make the same mistakes, but instead we bent over so far backward we made a whole bunch of new mistakes.)
My daughter was thirty-eight when she had her first baby, a little late due to life circumstances. I can honestly say she is a fantastic mom, better than I ever was, but she was also a nanny for the last two years of college, and then she was a teacher for fifteen years. Her baby was twenty-three months old when they brought his little sister home from the hospital. Her children are happy, bright, and healthy and well mannered.
I don't know what is the right age to have children. We had youthful exuberance with our first one but had more maturity with the second one.
My daughter was thirty-eight when she had her first one, and she is plumb worn out now that they are in preschool and kindergarten. She will be fifty years old when the first one graduates from high school, and her husband is even older. He'll be wanting to retire before the kids get though college. They have managed their finances to cover that, but it will be even more expensive when they are actually in college.
It's not right to tell anyone else when to have children, but I hate to see moms having their first baby when they are forty or older. They often underestimate the energy needed to raise a child while their own body is becoming less energetic. Maybe they can still jog five miles, but a screaming baby in the night drains off a whole lot more energy.
I suppose a mom should be at least twenty before having the first one. She should live independently for a while, buy a car, pay rent, and get the hang of finances before she has a little one depending on her. Everything is so-o-o expensive now and the economy is not good, so twenty-five might be a better age, maybe thirty, but I think they should get started younger than thirty-five.
Babies and children and teens need daddies, and I think that is much more important than how old the mother is. Nothing is guaranteed about a marriage, but at least you are hedging your bets if you hold out to find a good guy.