Oh please. I work, and my kids have always had home-cooked meals. And I taught them how to read, tie their shoelaces, make their beds, fingerpaint, sew, cook, and all kinds of other things we working mothers are often accused of farming out. We are also active in Scouts and sports and volunteer at school. And the kids have spent a lot more time with their Dad than they would have if I didn't work - my working meant he could be a teacher, which meant he was home with them in summer. If I didn't work, he would have had to go into administration - or leave academia - to make enough money to support us. We don't have a nanny, maid, housekeeper, or yard service - we do chores as a family. There is no one solution for everybody - some women (and men) are born to be stay at home parents, others aren't, and if each family could find the solution that works for them without judging others this would be a much better world.

I despise self-righteous stay at home moms who think they do a better job because they stay home. And yet, it's stay at home moms that I hear the most complaining about ordinary things like a child's meltdown in a store and and then feel a need to tell the rest of us how 'overwhelmed' they feel but at the end of they realize their kids are just kids and aren't they such great moms for staying home. Pa-lease! Being a parent is challenging regardless of how you choose to raise your kids and structure your family life. No one can say that kids are happier whether moms work or stay home. It's all in your approach and how you raise your children. And excuse me, but despite my working full time, my kids get home cooked meals every day and other than lunch at school or on play dates, eat all their meals with us, the parents that work.

nps - you are so funny. There is someone for everyone I suppose and I am sure your significant other must be so proud to serve.

I love being a stay at home mom, I really do. I do agree that children who grow up in a home with two working parents miss out on a lot. I understand the defensiveness of all the working moms against that statement, but you don't know what I know. You don't see the tremendous benefits that I see in my children just from me being the one to raise them full time. Sure your kids can grow up to be functioning citizens in society if mom goes to work, but there is so much more than that. I also know that your kids can grow up feeling a love connection with their parents, heck my mom worked. But there is a difference and you working moms do not know that difference because you haven't experienced it. This isn't a dig against working moms either. I don't care if other moms work, I just care if I do. If you get all offended by this, then you're prideful. Get over it.

Make a choice, particularly when your kids are newborns and in grade school

I made a choice. Apparently you despise it. My daughter is thriving very well and so am I.

Oh, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. She was absolutely terrible and resented us because she was a stay-at-home mom, taking it out on us. Home cooked meals did nothing to negate the damage she did because she wanted to do more.

Obviously, every mother is different. You can be a stay at home mother and be terrible at it or you can be great at it. You can also be terrible or great as a working mother. It differs between each woman.

Our society bought into this BS in the 60's and has never looked back leaving a scorched society of latch-key kids and all that it brings. My X HATED working and when we were able to pull it off on our 2nd kid she loved staying at home.

The kids suffer and anyone saying different is a idiot.

You "dispise selfish working mothers"? Wow, it sounds like you are a very judgmental, critical, probably burned out stay at home mom. I suggest you get a part-time job and feel normal again.

Yeah I never met a woman with a paying job that ever cooked a meal. Get real.

Add up all the time it normally takes to make 3 meals and you've done an hour and half's worth of work. Get off your high horse. I make meals. Probably healthier ones than YOU because I also pack lunches and snacks for my kid for school as well as lunch for me. (hence the reason for this article) That takes menu planning -unlike a lot of stay at home moms who just throw some fatty beef and hamburger helper on the stove when they're done with their all day nap 15 minutes before hubby gets home. You look in most SAHMs pantries and there is lots of rice a roni, pasta in a bag, freeze dried-partially hydrogenated, powdered cheese crap in there. I have never seen so many "just add water and margarine" meals than I've seen in most of the SAHM homes I've been in. So get off it.

If you can afford to stay home, congrats. That's nice for you. There is no need to unfairly label a working mom selfish because IN ADDITION to what you do, we bring home a paycheck. How is that selfish?

The reality is this ... nobody can take care of your kids as well as you can. It is unfortunate for parents and kids alike that more mothers are not finanically able to stay at home. Like it or not, we as a culture are paying a price for having others (day care, school, the state etc) raise our children for us ... it is a fact that many children in daycare suffer emotional harm ... if not worse. Young children need to find security in their emotional bond with their mother.

We are sacrificing our children at the altar of materialism (and justifying our actions because we don't want feel the uncomfortable reality of our conscience).

My husband passed away when our child was 15 months old. She receives a social security check each month based on his work history until she turns 18. I would get one too, as the sole living parent- If I didn't work. So which is more selfish: working a job that provides for us and paying for our health insurance, or staying home and collecting my own SS check each month (for 12 more years) and putting my child on Medicaid?

Kelly

I am truly sorry to hear about your husband. You are a hero in my eyes. I would hope that you have a good support group around you to help out.

Kelly,

Sorry for your loss. Kudos to you for trying giving your child a good life, however you manage it.

I'm sorry you feel such animosity toward working mothers. Should my mom have stayed home and not worked and let us go without a meal if the bills were not paid? My mom is a wonderful, hard working person who helped put supper on the table. I'm so sorry you feel so inclined to hate on her, and others like her for working.

I will most likely be a working mother myself when my day comes. It's my choice. I'll still make sure that to my best ability I am able to provide home cooked meals and not rely heavily on the fast food industry and make sure healthy, well balanced snacks are also provided when they get home from school. Sure, there are benefits to staying home with the kids, but I see a lot of my friends who are stay at home moms going, "When will I get some adult time?" at least with work, that can be covered.

Again, sorry to see you have such a vile opinion about those who work and have children.

I couldn't agree more. People need to have priorities, and if your priority as a woman is a career, then that is what you should focus on. You should not, in my opinion, have children as well. Children are--or at least SHOULD be-- a full-time job. Yes, I know every woman is different, but I have yet to see a child raised by a working mother truly thrive, and that includes those in my immediate family.

I do not have anything against people choosing work over parenthood. In fact, I applaud people making a definitive decision one way or the other. If you want a career, give it your best effort. If you want children, give them your best effort. There is only one childhood for your child, and you have the responsibility to give them THE BEST since it was you who decided to bring a child into the world. Children are a privilege, and no one says you have to have them. I think a lot of people think having children as an inalienable right, and that is a mistake.

And, before anyone accuses me of being against working moms, please let me say that it is just as beneficial for a father to stay home with the children. That is a perfectly sound option. The bigger point is that a parent should be raising a child full-time rather than having others do it. No matter how qualified an outside care-giver may seem, they are no match for parental care.

That's my opinion, of course. Everyone has a right to that. Of course, I respectfully agree to disagree with anyone who feels differently.

Why does a complicated issue like this have to boil down to another cartoon character war about Who's Better? Self-righteousness -- on either side -- doesn't belong in this arena. Finances are strained, families undergo change, some people are simply more fortunate than others.

No arguing: Children love having their mothers available at all times. I know this because I'm a mother who was able to stay home in my daughter's early years.

Circumstances compelled me to share in the economic responsibility for our household. I am fortunate enough to have a career that I enjoy, and a husband who took up the slack when the pressure was at its highest. Even so, working while raising a child is a 24/7 responsibility, and you have to stand in awe at single mothers who have no choice whatsoever.

There are wonderful working mothers, terrible stay-at-homes, and vice versa. Like any issue, this one isn't black-and-white.

I can't believe it's a good thing to hand your 6-week old baby over to strangers and walk away.

I try to think about it from the child's point-of-view. Mommy is gone and that is all the baby knows. Ever-changing strangers care for him each day, but there is no love and no opportunity to bond. Every night he is taken away from his home and goes to another place where he sleeps. Then when he wakes up, he is taken back to his home, but the people he knew yesterday may not be there today.

All he knows is that there is no one for him to bond to or depend on, because they may be gone tomorrow.

I believe women should not have babies if they are not committed to raising those children at least until school-age.

This study shows women are happier if they work. We don't know anything about the study, but even if the results are true, raising children isn't so much about the well-being of the parents. I think that's the part working mothers fail to acknowledge.

My lord, this is ridiculous. Mothers can stay at home, or work, both can work or fail depending on how good of a parent you are, and it does depend on your child. I was raised by a working mother, when my father started making more money in my later years my mother came home and raised my sister from home. I'm a successful, happy, law abiding citizen.....my sister is a drug addicted, sociopathic liar who is alergic to a job. Is that the fault of my mother staying home? No, it's my sister's fault, but having a mom at home didn't stop that from happening either.

Home or not their are benefits to both, I fully believe that my sister had a lot of social problems because she was not used to being around other children prior to going to school. I, on the other hand, was always very social and well liked. My sister never questioned if she was loved or not, and probably lacked stern discipline that I received in daycare and even school, my sister didn't get this and my mother's time outs never did teach her a dang thing (early 80's allowed corporal punishment in both daycares and our Christian school, early 90's did not).

I think that if the mother chooses to stay home, that is a choice for her. This is not a choice that she should be treated like some hero based on what she is giving up for her kids, it's what she chooses for her. It's because SHE wants to stay at home with her kids, because SHE believes it will be better for them. SHE is ignoring the benefits that quality daycare can give children. My daycare professional is trained in the developement of pre-school age children, we are blessed that she is watching our child. Our child is getting an experience in how to act socially with other children he would not have without this experience, he is learning and developing well ahead of schedule and he gets tons of love and affection from his parents every morning and night and all weekend......and he is also being shown by example how to be a successful individual in this working society by both his parents.

I understand the other side has benefits to children, daycare can be a crap shoot, being around someone that loves them is undoubtedly beneficial, and mothers can know what their children need more than some daycare worker. But the stay at homers need to realize the opposite can be true as well. They need to understand that they are not always the best example for the children either, they aren't perfect and the more positive influences a child can get in their life, be it from family or others, the better off they will be from it.

I agree that there is no right way. No children myself, but I have many friends with kids. Some stayed home (and their personality really was right for it), some worked (sometimes because of money, but more often because it was right for their personality) and then there was one who stayed home, "because that's what good mothers do" even though I thought her personality wasn't suited to it. Five years later, 2 kids, multiple visits to the hospital for depression and anxiety and now she is divorced and has to work. Thank God one woman I know didn't stay home when her child was a toddler. She is home now, but has become an internet addict and has always had a touch of social phobia. Daycare was a godsend for her daughter as she got much more mental and social stimulation from that over what she would have gotten from home.

On the other side of the equation, some kids would benefit from stay at home parents and others would not, depending on their personality. You just do the best you can. Life is not perfect, nor fair.

I am a stay at home mom and I have to say a lot of this is just a matter of random luck. My stepdaughter works at a very expensive high end daycare up north and some of the stories I have heard lead me to believe children do not always get the care parents think they are getting. On the flip side not all stay at home moms are able to offer their children the same level of care and cultural stimulation as others. To theorize that one is better than the other is pointless.

As to the people who make the assumptions that stay at home moms are on the sofa eating bonbons they are far from close to reality. I home school, milk the cow twice a day, make my own breads and cheeses as well as regular cooking, garden, can my own produce, sew, raise and butcher my own livestock (pigs, cattle, goats and chickens), clean house, do yard work and general construction around the farm. I am not complaining, this is the life I want and bluntly it is the only way to afford for me to stay home but I do it all with a small child in tow and when her brothers were little I did it with 3 small children. My days begin before sunrise and end when I fall into bed. My husband says I work harder than he does but I figure it is just a different kind of work. I used to be an office manager when my sons were in their teens and this is emotionally satisfying while the office job was not. I am sure many other stay at home moms have just as much to keep up with as do many "working" moms (we ALL work - some of us just don't get a paycheck.)

It depends on the person, I think. I work from home, and so does my husband. One of us is always here for the kids, and we do all the school things, etc, that the stay at home moms do, and we cook dinner all together most nights. It's not easy, we usually work late into the evening, but we wouldn't change a thing. Staying at home wasn't for me - I tried it. I will say, even with bi-weekly cleaning help, my house is definitely messier.

One thing to note, though - it's MUCH more important to be home during the middle/high school years than the early years. My friends and co-workers back me up on this. About age 11 and on, you need to be available for everything - demanding school schedules, after school activites, and just to listen to them.

This is something that parents need to decide on themselves, and not attack those that make different choices. I especially am bothered by those that insult working moms, when both parents are needed to work in order to support their family.

Personally, I work full time, and I feel that having the time away from home makes me a better mom when I am home with the kids. I get to have 9 hours where all I have to focus on is my work and my own needs. It means that I have a lot of patience left in the evenings, mornings, and weekends.

Both my boys spent their weekdays with their grandma for about a year, then went to an in-home daycare with an average ratio of one adult to five kids. It's not always perfect, but it works for us. And 5 days a week I get to have a hour of free time to run errands or just sit and eat lunch without interruption.

Why is it the stay at home moms who always attack the moms who work outside the home? Please, if you've got a chip on your shoulder - you GET OVER IT!! I work full time and I am proud of it. I respect those who wish to stay home full time and raise children. Its a wonderful choice but don't attack me because I have made a different choice. I work full time outside the home and then come home and the 2nd shift starts with housework, cooking, homework etc. So don't tell me you work any harder, you're any better of a mother or that my child is suffering because I choose to work outside the home, please. He is at the top of his class and very well adjusted and my home is spotless, he gets home cooked meals and oh yeah, my laundry is caught up too - and no I don't hire a maid service. More importantly to me, my son sees his mother as a strong, independent, self-sufficient career woman who is an equal contributor in the home with finances. I'm not waiting for his daddy to bring home the bacon so I can fry it up in the pan - I bring home the bacon myself. If we truly want women to be seen as equals, it starts with our sons and my son sees his mommy as an equal to his daddy. Different strokes for different folks I suppose and yes, I do have a strong opinion about this.

In my opinion, I think staying home with your children is one of the best things you can do for your children. However, if a woman so chooses to work outside of the home, that does not make her a terrible mother. I know many woman who work and when they are with their children, they are terrific moms :) Being a stay at home mother doesn't guarantee that you will be a terrific mother, but becoming selfless and finding joy in your posterity makes for a terrific mother.

As for the article, I do find it sad that so many stay at home moms are struggling to find joy. I am apart of a church where many mothers stay home and so I have a great community of woman to interact with, but even if I lived in the middle of nowhere I'm sure I would still feel joy. My kids are 3 and 5 years old with one on the way, and we have so much fun together. I used to struggle when they were really little and would cry all the time and throw tantrums, but they're past that stage and it's easy to enjoy them now!

I don't think anyone should judge anyone on their decisions but I can make statements about my own experiences with moms. My own mother was a SAHM who spent most of her time when she wasn't having a temper tantrum because everything didn't go her way playing tennis, or bridge and paying the housekeeper/nanny. For several reasons, I am a working mother who has a warm loving relationship with my kids. I would love to spend more time at home with my kids but I don't have much of a choice since my husband hasn't made more that $12k a year in six years. I can't imagine how anyone would say that I am "selfish" for being a working mom. There is nothing selfish about anyone who is a working mom. Anybody who says anything different is being nothing but judgmental.

I was a stay at home mom for the first years of my son's life and also home schooled my son until he was 13. We made financial sacrifices, but none that effected my son or was too great of a hardship. My husband and I were able to teach and guide our son in the principles we believed in. Now he has no real peer pressure at school, thank goodness.

I think the problem is that many American families believe they need too many material things. I mean do you really need to own a home. Why not rent? How many computers do you need, how many big screen TVs? How many cars? Plant a garden to help save money and teach. That's not expensive.

A child is so much more precious than any of these material things. That's why we decided to make our son number one in our lives.

And from the tone of many "working mother" posts on this thread the children are probably better off with them working...

"I get to have 9 hours where all I have to focus on is my work and my own needs."

That says it quite clearly Inmissoui. Children are not cabbage patch dolls to put on a shelf until you come home. Sorry if my opinions offend working moms but, you have been bamboozled by the media into believing you can do both jobs well and that is impossible. Something has to give and it's the child that has to give it up.

you have been bamboozled by the media into believing you can do both jobs well and that is impossible

Then how come so many moms have done it, if it's impossible?

They might "do it" but, not well. You can not convince me that both jobs, working outside and working at home with your child can both be done well. Something has to give and it's always the children as they are small and helpless.

I would imagine most working moms carry quite a bit of resentment. Afterall you really have TWO full time jobs. Must be exhausting. Where does that resentment go?

I HATE this mommy war crap. Not everybody has a choice, and why do we have to attack each other? Kids can do great with either option. I was lucky to stay at home with my kids, but still put them part time into a creche or preschool, for my sanity and theirs. And for those parents who think kids only need a parent when the kids are young, watch out. The worst years are the teens, when trouble is behind every door. Instead of attacking the other side, why not support both? And enough of the smug righteousness.

Oh, please--it is only in the US that people think that children need an adult devoting her every moment to pleasing them and "nurturing" them and helping them "develop." And, then, people wonder why it is that children grow up so freaking narcissistic.

When I was a child, I had a stay-at-home mom. We spent most of our time in the backyard playing, running around the neighborhood, or playing out in the woods. When we were hungry, we had a peanut butter sandwich or some tuna and leftover rice--quickly slapped together. That is, we did not have a "doting" mother spending all her time attending to our every need. Yes, we grew up fine--we also grew up a lot more independent.

These days, children with a self-important SAHM (not the kind that just stay home, but the kind which make it an identity) have her hovering over them 24/7. They have "play dates," they have "activities," they have "organic meals." That is, they have the same kind of life that extremely wealthy children with nannies had when I was a child--and they wind up acting like rich-kid brats.

Children need to be fed, clothed, and to have consistent rules enforced. That's it. A person can do that if she is a SAHM or if she works outside the home during the day and lets the child play at the daycare during the day. Parents do have to make sure that the daycare is high quality, and parents do have to learn to balance work and home (a woman who works too much who has a husband who also works too much does in fact neglect her children).

Personally, I only worked part time so that I could better balance my work and home life--because I'm just not that good at multitasking--but I found the SAHMs that I knew to be vicariously living through their children. Once the children got older, they became hostile to mom--who was still checking on their every movement, right through college. On the other hand, my kid and I still get along really well because I learned long ago to just let her go off by herself as long as she was safe.

Children do not need a person who is going to devote her every waking moment to them. Any SAHM who does that is crippling the children's self-esteem, ability to work independently, and is smothering. A mother who can balance being there for the children with other activities--whether they are her own hobby, a part-time job, or a flexible full time job--is a fine mother.

I really don't see this as a SAHM versus a mother who works outside the home--I see it as a continuum from smothering (which is common among those mothers who dismiss "working moms" as neglectful), through varying levels of doing one's own thing in and outside the house, to being completely distant and self-serving. I think that SAHMs can be just as bad as career moms who don't have a moment for their children--and I think that some SAHMs are fine and most moms who work outside the home are fine.

Seriously, anyone who says that children suffer when they do not have a SAHM is someone I consider to be highly suspect as a smother-mother, and they are just as bad as the absent ones.

Awesome post, beanatohome.

It was the same for me. My mom stayed home most of my childhood, with part-time jobs at times when dad was unemployed. But she certainly didn't hover over us. During summer, we were banished outside. We knew which kids we were allowed to play with, how far we were allowed to go, etc. She checked on us to make sure we were safe, fixed us and the neighbor kids a snack now and then, but pretty much left us to our own devices. We were outside until she yelled at us to come home for dinner and a bath.

When she had to return to work to put food on the table, the house didn't fall apart. Nobody got sick or hurt under dad's care, and he was more permissive than she was. We didn't eat so well (dad was a lousy cook), but we didn't starve, either. We all pitched in and kept the house clean and the baby cared for, as we had been expected to do with mom.

And we turned out fine.

self deception

From the guy whose biggest accomplishment is mastery of the "copy and paste" tool.

Whatever.

Many comments here focus on the pro's & con's of working parents vs. those who can stay with their kids more. But where are the analytical minds questioning this study's structure, which fails to take into account the physical and mental health of mothers who can't work full or part time?

If a mother struggles with a disability or with chronic/recurrent medical problems, then she has difficulty working outside the home and may not be happy with her situation, regardless of whether she has young or older children. So that skews the "statistics" that seem to show that working moms are happier and healthier.

In general, people who are able to hold a paying job are healthier than those who are unable due to health (mental or physical) problems. That does not prove cause and effect.

I don't have children at the moment, because I can't afford to stay home with them. Therefore, I made the unselfish choice to not have any right now. Excuse me, but why should I cook for my NEIGHBORS' kids? That's ballsy of you to suggest! Why did you even have kids, since clearly you don't want any of the responsibilities required to be a good mother??!

....just saying.....you got the time to sit there on your most likely very fat butt, and TELL me I'm a bad mother because I work? I am suggesting that you do something more constructive with your time than PASS JUDGEMENT on others. So yeah, why don't you do something good for your communtiy and CONTRIBUTE your time, because you most definitely look like an ass when you talk out of it.

Un -Yeah. product of post 1962 education/indoctrination.

As a product of a single working mother, don't be so naive to think that others don't pitch in a lot in those type circumstances. I was basically raised by my friend's parents - ate many meals with them, went to the stores with them, stayed over their house several nights a week. Also, when my mother's dating life was more important than me, her child, I then got dumped off on my grandparents.

Even when I was a teenager and started working, surrogate parents were there for me more than my own family. An older male co-worker and his wife took me under their wings and showed me how to work on my car, how to do at home projects, how to barbecue, etc.

Sometimes the village raises the child more than the child's own parents do.

NPS- IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS...SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I was soo annoyed by your very first comment that i didn't even get to read these next couple dumb freaking comments you wrote. YOu Have ISSUES!

A cohesive argument isn't even possible on this comment thread when everyone is choosing to be immature.

I can only hope that with age will come wisdom for some. Having lived a good many years, I can tell you that things are not always so black and white. When you are young you can say "I will never do this" and "That is wrong" and believe it will always be the case. But life has a way of softening those opinions...people lose jobs, marriages crumble, spouses become sick, etc., and then you have to do what you have to do. That doesn't make you a better or worse person, you are just trying to do your best with what you got. And with wisdom comes the realization that to judge others' choices is foolhardy.

After working full time for nearly 21 years, I got married at 33 and at 37 made the unselfish decision to have one child for the simple reason that I knew I wanted to stay at home, indefinitely if I could. I was never good at multitasking, and I knew that working full time and managing a household, husband, and child would eventually affect my marriage. Many working moms have a natural ability to do all of this, but I don't.

After being a SAHM for 7 years and moving to an expensive area of NJ, My Husband finally decided he needed me to help out a little bit, just a few hours a week. I now work 10 hours a week and bring in about $920 a month to help out, and it's a very manageable schedule for me. I no longer have the guilt that I'm sitting around all day while my child's in school being supported by someone else, and I have the extra money to treat myself every once in a while. I feel I have the best of both worlds.

Most of my good Mom friends that work full time have Husbands that help them 100% with everything related to the house and kids, and the one or two that don't are either super organized and can handle it all, or resigned to this kind of life until they can retire. This lifestyle, for me, would not be worth it just to bring in a few extra bucks.

I agree with Hot-in-Miami that we should all support and not judge each other for our choices. Some of us can work 60 hours a week and not bat an eyelash, and others, like me, can't deal with a lot on my plate all at once. Does my choice make me seem lazy or priviliged? Far from it!!

nps, OMG, you don't have kids and you have the gall to judge! Please write back and tell us how you're doing after your kids are around 10, and whether you chose to stay home or work outside of the home. Until then, quiet!

So let me guess, nps-2941119...you're actually a 62 year old lifelong bachelor who eats Swanson dinners every night and blames societies ills on women's lib and democracy. Way to be offensive.

nps,

I would be hard-pressed to find daycare provider who wouldn't do a better job raising a child to be a compassionate, non-judgmental, contributing member of society than you. I hope you NEVER have the money to stay home, and therefore stay childless.

Hot - Hey I can agree with that. I still think one parent at home is the way to go but our society had to break something called a glass ceiling. Now we all walk on broken glass - both parents working two or more jobs. Heck, the Court gave me my two and I raise them. Single guy parent. Was not my plan but......

You ladies are having a cat-fight ... there are merits on both sides of the issue. If a parent wants or has to have someone else raise their child ... it is up to them.

The reality is this ... nobody can take care of your kids as well as you can. It is unfortunate for parents and kids alike that more mothers are not finanically able to stay at home. Like it or not, we as a culture are paying a price for having others (day care, school, the state etc) raise our children for us ... it is a fact that many children in daycare suffer emotional harm ... if not worse. Young children need to find security in their emotional bond with their mother.

We are sacrificing our children at the altar of materialism (and justifying our actions because we don't want feel the uncomfortable reality of our conscience).

Ya know, Jeff D., copying and pasting the same thing over and over is a bit annoying.

NPS, what is your problem? Great, you stayed home for your kids! One size does not fit all!

Some mothers can't afford to stay home, and others have too much energy to be satisfied with hanging around a house all day. Accept that you and your children are very fortunate, and stop judging!

Hot in Miami:

It's no one's business which choice you make and it affects no one but your family, so why the judgment?

Are you sure it affects no one but your family?

Is it your opinion that a child's early years has no bearing on his development and therefore his potential in adult society?

Is it your opinion that a child's early years has no bearing on his development and therefore his potential in adult society?

So why not start going after people who make other parenting choices that you don't like? Why not chastise parents who send their child to the wrong school, don't breastfeed, the wrong playgroup, raised in a wrong religion, etc. Everything a parent does affects their child and nobody is perfect. Why not lay the judgement on everyone else who raised their child in a non-perfect manner because it has the potential to hinder their adult productiveness?

Jeff says "nobody can take care of your kids as well as you can". LOL! I guess we don't need child protective services any more since parents are always wonderful and loving. Even for the ones that are, there is some evidence that children of uneducated parents do better going to a quality daycare (emphasis on the quality). I know one woman raised by a horrible stay at home mom - she was constantly belittled and blamed for her parents "horrible lives" (they got married, because they got pregnant); she still has huge anxiety and insecurity issues that she has gone to counseling for. She will never fully get over that. I think we do kids a disservice when we keep them to such a narrow world view. As someone else mentioned, there is a whole village out there willing to help; kids can learn from lot's of people.

I live in Chicago in an affluent neighborhood. The majority of the moms stay at home....not because it's best for the kids but because the husbands do well financially. I can tell you from my experience that there is ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE between the kids with working parents and those with stay at home mothers. NONE. ZIP. Practically all of the SAHM have nannies and housekeepers! Really? If I were able to stay at home why in the world would I need a nanny? In any case, relax. SAHM's kids do NOT turn out better than working mothers.

Funny. The most neurotic person I know is a SAHM. She's bat $hit crazy but I love her to death. When our boys (high school freshmen) hang out downtown Chicago to go to the movies, she follows behind them AND SITS WITH THEM! LOL. It takes her 15 text messages and 15 calls to clarify the details of a "playdate". Although her younger child seems normal her older child (my son's friend) is a lunatic and I'm thinking we will see him on TV later in life for killing someone. He's completely socially unadjusted. To be clear, I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with his mom....but just goes to show that staying at home doesn't mean your kids turn out better. Oh, and I do work outside the home. My son....odd. Maybe he'll be on TV too. My daughter. She's scary because she's the kid everyone wants to have! LOL

I respect the fact that you're a horrible mother dear.

I think this person is trolling.

But if you truly are as dumb as your posts, what do you plan to do with the job you currently have (as you work to become financially stable?) Just gonna give it up, huh? Ever thought about retirement? Some of us out here are actually contributing to retirement plans and 401Ks. Oh, I bet you are going to depend on your HUSBAND (said in the most country, redneck way) to take care of you forever?

What a loser.

Yeah, sounds like a troll. As if people's life situations never change, due to illness, job loss, divorce, death - any number of factors can negatively impact a family financially. I work and I'm raising kids who perform in the top 10% nationally, are active in their church, in Scouts, and in sports, and who know how to do housework and be responsible for themselves. And my husband and I are saving for college and retirement as well. We knew going into it that we would be a dual-income family. I don't hate women who make other choices - but I don't need self-righteous narrow-minded people judging mine.

Eb - the loser comment was not called for and makes you the one who is.

Why do people have to be trolls if they don't agree with the majority?

I see no reason to believe nps is a troll. nps just seems like someone with a strong opinion.

Why are you trying to intimidate those who disagree with you? Is it because you secretly feel they may have a point that you don't want to acknowledge?

Or are you just too immature to tolerate differences of opinion?

I'm new to Newsvine, but it appears there are people who come here to discuss a subject, but more people who come here to demand others think like them.

If someone doesn't agree with the majority, their post is collapsed, as if they didn't have the right to think differently or to speak up if they do.

Hmmm... junior high. And I think probably boringly futile after awhile, like trying to debate with a teenager.

NPS-If all people waited till they were financially ready...NO ONE WOULD HAVE KIDS BESIDES BILL GATES AND DONALD TRUMPH! IGnorant MORON! I dont know why you are even on this BLOG...YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN...there for NO THOUGHTS ARE NEEDED!

Good for you! You have my respect as actually parenting and being present physically and emotionally for one's children is the hardest, yet most important job in the world.

get off this blog nps!

Good job Maggie !!!

Go, Maggie! In all truth, my daughter was very unhappy (and let me know it) when I had to return to full-time work, but now she is part of a start-up in Silicon Valley. Who knows what will happen with the business -- but that girl values independence above all things, I respect her completely, and we are the best of friends.

Some working mothers are talking about how well their children compete. They do well in school, they grew up to have prestigious jobs, etc.

Do we know any A-students who cut themselves?

Do we know any doctors who commit suicide? (FYI, doctors are one of the highest-risk groups for suicide.)

I think it's interesting that the same women who choose working over raising their child also judge the well-being of their children with how well they compete.

All right, then, jerri, here ya go. My son, who came to work with me until he was 4, then went to nursery school, is now in 2nd grade. He is above his grade level in both reading and math. In addition, he is well-adjusted, funny, popular, helpful, and well-liked by all his teachers. He is involved in and enjoys sports, and he loves to sing. He is curious about the world around him. He is so good at distracting kids who are having problems socially that his daycare teachers once told me they would send him to console a child who was having a bad day. So, no, it's not just academically or in other competitive measures that he's doing well. He lives a good, happy life, in ALL areas of his life.

Sandy:

My son, who came to work with me until he was 4

I'm confused. The attitude of your post is that you refute my opinion, but the content of your post supports my opinion.

You kept your baby with you, and he's a happy, well-adjusted child.

When I decided to have a child, I adjusted my career. I was a photo-journalist and I had to work, but I wasn't going to give my baby to strangers to raise. So I saved up the down-payment for a small 4-unit apartment house and opened a portrait studio in one apartment. I rented the other two for enough to make the mortgage payments, maintenance, and insurance, and I hired a live-in housekeeper/nanny to help.

My son went to work with me every day, too. I have to say, it was a serious sacrifice to go from photo-journalism to portraiture, but I decided I wanted a child and sacrifice is part of that package. So is planning ahead, which many parents don't seem to bother about these days.

Kept at my office, under the care of a nanny. He was in the same building, but interacted much more with the nanny than with me during business hours.

That's a whole different issue, but IMO, dads are not moms.

Mothers bring something more, and essential, to the table. I'm adamant about that. I think women who don't realize that at a very fundamental level have no business ever having a child. At least until they get a thorough evaluation of their endocrine system, which is obviously malfunctioning.

How very judgmental and narrow-minded. Perhaps you need a psychological evaluation to reveal the reasons you think you should have so much say in the lives of people who have nothing to do with you.

Sandy, do you understand the phrase "I think?"

When I say "IMO" and "I think," it means that I am expressing my opinion. In this society, adults accept that other people may have opinions that strongly disagree with theirs, and this is okay.

You seem really stressed. Is it because you're trying to hold a full-time job while keeping house and raising a child?

More probably she's stressed because you are judging her without knowing anything about her. Why do mothers do this to each other?

I don't believe moms bring more to the table - dads and moms bring different elements but one is not more important than the other. I would never take what aspects my husband brings to raising our son. As for the comment of "I think women who don't realize that at a very fundamental level have no business ever having a child. At least until they get a thorough evaluation of their endocrine system, which is obviously malfunctioning." it took me 6 years to get pregnant so please believe me when I say that my child is the most important person in my life. I want my son to know that as a mother my time is his and always will be. I work so I can put food on the table and a roof over his head. Yes my husband does work as well and is an equal partner in taking care of our family.

Stay at home moms work just as much and just as hard as moms that go to a workplace.

Nope, not stressed. No since worrying about what I can't (and wouldn't) change, since I'm the only source of income, and I enjoy my career.

I resent the fact that you "think" that anyone who thinks differently from you has a chemical abnormality requiring medical attention. I think that is arrogant.

Thank you, A Parent. Every family is different.

I didn't go into parenting with the idea that my marriage would fail. My husband and I love each other and as children of divorced single moms we both knew we never, ever wanted that for our children. So if and when a problem comes up we work on it. We work on our relationship. We talk to each other. We show each other just how much we truly love and appreciate each other because we understand just how important that is for ourselves and for our children.

My children learn good morals and values from us and even though they're toddlers we're teaching them to have a good work ethic. They help out around the house. They pick up their clothes and toys, they throw thing in the garbage or recycling. They also share with each other and love helping each other.

Also, who are you to assume that SAHM's don't have college degrees? All of the SAHM's in my neighborhood have graduated college.

NoAdditives,

That still doesn't address the possibility of the breadwinner's death or disability. It's also pretty common in this economy for the breadwinner to become unemployed. If both parents work, or at least keep up some marketable job skills, the family is more financially protected.

My mom stayed home most of the time, but went back to work when my dad lost his job in the 80's. Because she had been out of the job market so long, all she could find was part-time, minimum wage work at a convenience store. My parents had to sell their house to avoid foreclosure. We had to move to a town with schools not nearly as good as those we left. We had no health insurance. Their savings account was depleted - pretty precarious position. We stayed afloat with the financial assistance of my dad's family.

If Mom had worked at least part-time, perhaps she could have found a better job when dad lost his, and we would have been more secure.

As a 28 year old working mom and a person who was raised by a stay at home mom I just wanted to put in my opinion. I am forced to work to provide a better life for my child. At times I do feel guilty about having to work, but my son (14months) loves to play with other children. He loves being in a day care environment. He stays with a woman (who is a licenced provider) who only watches 2 other children. I could not ask for anything more.

My mother has a college degree but she stayed at home and raised 4 kids. She was out of the work force for 30 years. After my youngest sister went off to college my mother and father split up. My mom said she stayed in the relationship the past 10 years so that her children can grow up in a two parent household. Now my mother has no income of her own and no one will hire her because she barely has work experience. She is in her mid 50s .

I want to be able to take care of myself in case anything were to happen. I have the peice of mind knowing that if anything were to happen to my husband that I would be able to provide.

Another thing to consider if your spouse becomes unemployed- health insurance. When my husband lost his job early in the recession, I was able to add him and our son to my health insurance through my work. This was just a side benefit to my needing to work anyway.

You sound bitter. Just like I do not walk in your shoes, you do not walk in mine!

I don't think anyone should judge anyone on their decisions but I can make statements about my own experiences with moms. My own mother was a SAHM who spent most of her time when she wasn't having a temper tantrum because everything didn't go her way playing tennis, or bridge and paying the housekeeper/nanny. For several reasons, I am a working mother who has a warm loving relationship with my kids. I would love to spend more time at home with my kids but I don't have much of a choice since my husband hasn't made more that $12k a year in six years. I can't imagine how anyone would say that I am "selfish" for being a working mom. There is nothing selfish about anyone who is a working mom. Anybody who says anything different is being nothing but judgmental.

They didn't interview people on the street. They enrolled 1,364 women in a study and followed them over a period of several years. They classified the women as either not employed, working part time (1-32 hours) or working full time. They looked at what age the womens' children were. They asked them about their overall health and possible symptoms of depression, and the stay at home moms reported more symptoms than the working moms.

Without access to the original study, it's impossible to say whether the authors had any speculations on what the causes of their findings might be. I'd lean towards social isolation as part of the cause, especially since it seemed most noticeable when the womens' children were small. And part of it certainly might be a sort of self-selection, since people with health problems have a harder time holding down a job outside the home.

Carefully structured studies based on interviews can be valuable. They are not controlled double-blind studies because when it comes to psychological studies, how would you even begin to set that up? What would the control group even be, Martians?

To gain this type of information, how would you recommend the study be made, fairi?

I just don't get it. As my son's father took off when he was two months old, I worked out of necessity. When he was three and a half, I was laid off due to the economy (the Regan recession, '82) and got to stay at home with this remarkable child for three whole months before finding another job.

I could have done it forever. I loved, loved, loved being at home with my kid, having the leisure to go to the park, read books together, just hang with him, talk to him, teach him. Best time of my life. Having to be a part-time mom with a full-time job -- the whole other life we lived for his entire childhood -- was what depressed me. So I just don't get the findings.

Er... not to mention the control group very much IS present.

Whether the random selection validity is proper cannot be determined from reading a news article... but there WAS a control, as far as reported. I'd be interested in hearing what the (mis)conception of research methods would be here that the above poster seems to think they have a better grasp of?

Further, fairisfair.... the truly GOOD studies generate more and more research for particular refinements, not kill it. In fact if you find a study that implies otherwise, THAT is when you need to throw a BS flag, unless blindly thrown at a huge library of support.

Love it! Same here!